“Our hands did not spill this blood.”

(Devarim  21:7)

Rashi comments on this confession of the zkainim in the issue of egla arufa: Does anyone really believe that the elders of the beis din are murderers? Yet this means:  “We did not see him and we abandoned him without food or escort.”

But why should they be called murderers simply because they didn’t escort him out of their city?

The Alter of Kelm Rav Simcha Zissel Ziv ztz”l explains: Because he was abandoned without an escort he was emotionally fragile; therefore he had no strength to oppose the murderer. Were the elders of the city to escort him he would have been encouraged and would have possessed the power to combat the murderer” (Darchei Mussar). $$c$$

It was an endless night. As the clock ticked with agonizing slowness she felt like morning would never come.

An exhausted yawn split her face closely followed by another.

I can’t do this anymore! A few hours of rest — is that too much to ask for?

But her infant seemed unfazed by her request. It didn’t seem to matter what mysterious ailment was bothering him this evening. His stomach? His ears? Whatever the malady the only cure was Mommy’s arms. And so she sat hour after excruciating hour rocking him in her arms as her body screamed for sleep.

By this point in the night she’d already memorized exactly how many tiles made up the length of the kitchen floor. She’d analyzed every creak of the floorboards and every sound of the wind. She could even synchronize her rocking with the gentle humming of the refrigerator motor.

I must be going out of my mind she thought in a haze of exhaustion.

Finally the baby’s eyelids began to droop. She held her breath hoping against hope as her rocking began to gradually slow.

No such luck. The moment the movement ceased his wails began anew.  

But I’m so tired! She felt like joining him in his sobs. What do you want from me?

As she cradled him in her arms he began to calm again. And suddenly his cries slowed and a gentle smile spread over his face. Mesmerized she stared as he practiced this newfound skill one crooked smile after another. And suddenly her frustration melted away. He smiled! He smiled for the first time — just for me! And that momentous milestone magically erased the desperation of the past hours.  

I love you Mommy said that crooked toothless grin. Thanks for always being there just for me. She smiled back the two of them alone in the dark of night bound by the glow of a shared smile.  

* * *

Our children are guests in our home. They’ve been entrusted to our care and we must make use of the time of their stay to fortify them prepare them and provide them with the nourishment they’ll need when they venture out into the world.

There are dangers lurking everywhere. School shidduchim jobs— the challenges they’ll face are formidable. How will they succeed?

Wait! we want to shout. Don’t worry  we’ll accompany you along your voyage into the future. Tatty and Mommy will walk at your sides guarding you and supporting you every step of the way.  We won’t send you off alone.

Yet at some point their journey must continue unaided. They’ll have to face their own mountains and continue to climb.

How can we assure their success?

By providing them with tzeida la’derech — the tools and the skills they require to protect them from the unknown. 

They need encouragement confidence strength and compliments. They must be secure in our belief in their capabilities and our pride in their achievements.  We can transmit the invaluable message that they can believe in themselves since we believe in them.

Tell it to them as it is. Don’t hold back your compliments the kind words that breathe life into their souls. Ensure that they leave your home or any interaction with you with your words escorting them.

Don’t wait until you hear those cries of pain and sorrow echoing across the mountains.  By then it’ll be too late.

Do it now. Give them the encouragement they need today so you’ll never have to say “Our hands did not spill this blood.”