Self-love is one of the greatest gifts we can give our child. And every parent can give it

“You look great!”

“Thanks — so do you.” (inside thought: I don’t look great at all)

“I heard you got an award the other night you must be so proud. You deserve it — you do such great work!”

“Oh I don’t know why they honored me — everyone works equally hard. I think it has more to do with my husband than me.” (inside thought: I really mean that — I don’t do anything special.)

“You look great!”

“Thanks — so do you.” (inside thought: I must admit I DO look rather nice tonight!)

“I heard you got an award the other night  you must be so proud. You deserve it — you do such great work!”

“Oh I don’t know why they honored me — everyone works equally hard.” (inside thought: although I must admit I DO do a pretty good job when I put my mind to it!”)

Self-Love

Like all other traits and tendencies self-love is the product of the combined influences of genes and environmental factors. Some kids are born believing they are superior beings some are born with a modest but accurate sense of their own abilities and talents and some are born with low self-esteem barely recognizing their own worth.

Through their daily and moment-to-moment emotionally laden interactions parents also have a major impact on the child’s self-appraisal. A critical parent who holds back positive feedback lest it “go to the child’s head” can plant seeds of self-doubt and insecurity in virtually any child. When that style of parenting is applied to a naturally insecure child the result can be devastating. On the other hand parents who are generous with both positive feedback and unconditional warmth and low on critical input can help shore up a weak child encourage and bolster an average youngster and gently polish the edges of an overconfident child helping him acquire the correct dose of humility to compliment his self-love.

Self-love makes life’s journey much more pleasant. It’s annoying and painful to live with constant insecurity and self-doubt. More importantly it interferes with everything: accomplishing all that one can accomplish achieving healthy relationships serving Hashem with a full heart. Lack of self-love is a weight that one drags around making each step harder. On the other hand love of self is a positive energy that radiates outward to love of everyone everything and ultimately of Hashem Who created it all. It is a comfort of being in one’s own skin a permission to take up space here on earth and fulfill one’s mission.

From this place of inner security one can accept one’s own gifts and talents as well as the love that others wish to bestow. Far from being a form of arrogance love is an energy of gratitude health and growth. Its lack is associated with constriction inhibition and crippling fear. One who fails to recognize the gifts bestowed upon him from Hashem will never be able to use them to make his own special contribution to creation.

Loving Every Child

Not all parents have a warm loving nature. Moreover not all children are naturally loveable. Yet every child needs to be loved from his very first days. Indeed being loved early is essential in order to lay down the programming that allows a child to receive and perceive love throughout life. When the critical period has passed (sometime during childhood) it is no longer easy to lay down love networks. The child who lacks them may become a perpetually insecure adult no matter how much love and adoration he receives from others or how many accomplishments he accrues. Love must be received early and intensely in order for the child to carry security throughout adult life.

Fortunately it is possible to give every child the love that he or she needs. It is not necessary to be a demonstrative person or even to feel feelings of love nor is it necessary for the child to act or be a certain way. What is necessary is the willingness to say kind words limit corrections and criticism and avoid angry communications. That’s all there is to it.

Kind words can include simple statements like “good morning and have a nice day” as well as “good job” and “well done.” But the most important thing is to smile while saying these words. It’s the smile that wires the child’s brain for self-love and all of its benefits. Kind words and kind eyes have the power to nurture and nourish the soul of your child. Parents have been entrusted with the task of filling their children with a lifetime supply of love. It’s easiest to fulfill it when it is always kept in mind!