Chanukah reminds us that things are not always what they seem to be. A tiny army can overturn a giant opponent — with Hashem’s help. Since we always have Hashem’s help we can be sure that we too can vanquish fierce opponents. This is good to know because when we are confronted with seemingly overwhelming internal forces this knowledge can encourage and strengthen our resolve. Yes we can — with Hashem’s help — emerge victorious.

The Enemy Within

Family living brings a certain amount of conflict. There are conflicts of opinion between husbands and wives. There are battles of will between parents and children. There are wars between siblings. However the external opponent — whichever family member happens to be bothersome at the moment — is not the real enemy. The enemy is the yetzer hara (the evil inclination) that is triggered within us during the conflict.

For instance the problem is not that Husband disagrees with Wife. That’s just normal a common consequence of the fact that any two people have their own minds and any two genders see things differently a lot of the time. Rather the problem is that Husband feels an overpowering urge to prove his point an urge that is equal in strength and determination to the one being experienced at the very same moment by Wife. These two urges the fight-to-the-death impulses within each person are fierce enough to tear apart the marriage the home the Jewish People and the universe.

The yetzer hara is no small foot soldier. It is a force stronger than a nuclear blast. It stands in wait hovering around every conversation that occurs in the home ready to pounce at the slightest opportunity.

“Did he leave his cup unwashed again? He must pay for his crime!” it whispers in your ear as you gaze upon your spouse’s still warm mug resting inappropriately on the kitchen counter. The yezter hara is dramatic unreasonable unrelenting. Its mission is to destroy shalom and thereby destroy everything.

“Why do you constantly leave your mug for me to wash?” you shriek at your husband when you next spot him “innocently” walking down the hallway. You continue without pause uninterested in his lame excuses: “I’m busy too you know. I don’t leave my dishes for you to wash do I? If it’s too much for you to wash your mug then don’t make yourself coffee! I’m sick and tired of blah blah blah blah blah …” Even as you are speaking you disapprove of the sound of your own voice. You know something is terribly wrong with what you are doing and saying yet you feel powerless to stop.

Later when the storm has passed you are filled with regret and remorse. “I hate myself for screaming like that. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I know the children are harmed by listening to it and of course I’m hurting my husband and my marriage. Something comes over me and I just can’t keep my mouth shut. I lose control and then I suffer all day feeling like a horrible person wife and mother.” You promise yourself to work on it and do better. The yezter hara smiles to itself. “We’ll see about that.”

Losing Ourselves

The earnest wants-to-be-good voice inside of us is there when the waters are calm but as soon as there is a little ripple in the pond it quickly disappears. It is small ineffective helpless and weak — particularly in comparison to the powerful strong ever-present always lurking always ready supercharged yezter hara.

How can that small voice ever succeed in drowning out the powerful evil force? When we’re hurt or disappointed we feel a “pinch” inside — a negative emotion. It might be resentment judgment anxiety frustration or sadness. Sometimes it’s just a small sensation sometimes it’s larger but whatever its size that negativity — even the tiniest amount of it — creates just the right size opening for the yetzer hara to squeeze in and make itself at home. The yetzer hara hijacks the brain erasing our good sense and intelligence; it revs up the emotional motor and lets it fire. We are no longer “ourselves ” but instead become servants of the evil force. “Honestly I’m not like that. Something comes over me.” Exactly.

Never Give Up

Day after day year after year we might meet on the same old battleground with the yetzer hara. It wins time and time again. Is there any hope for us to conquer it? Yes! The story of Chanukah teaches us that good can overcome evil. Although we may lose some battles along the way we can still achieve victory in the war. Hashem listens to our prayers — “Let not the evil inclination dominate us” — and will deliver us.