Recently at one of the many chasunahs I am privileged to attend I noticed the music was louder than I could recall being usual.

I mentioned this to the fellow standing next to me; however he could not hear me as he had ear plugs!

After speaking to a few more members of my “over-50 peer group” we came to the unanimous realization that the decibel level at simchos has increased multifold in the last decade.

After giving the matter more contemplation however I concluded that this wasn’t a localized issue concerning weddings. Rather this proliferation of noise and sound and hype is pervasive and widespread in our entire society.

In short we have become a society in constant search of the climatic yet elusive apogee.

We demand and expect whatever event we are involved in to climax in a new never-before-reached pinnacle. We live high-pitched frenetic lives in constant search of a new meridian of satisfaction.

This maximalist approach to life indicative of constantly striving to an ever-higher vertex of achievement and satisfaction is overwhelming all aspects of our life and it is certainly not limited to the decibel level at weddings.

I was planning to invite a prominent rav to guest lecture at my shul. I bounced the idea off a few people and received a tepid response from everyone. When I asked them if anything was improper with the speaker they replied “No there’s nothing wrong; it’s just that he’s not a ‘big name.’ To get a crowd you need a ‘big name’; someone who speaks ‘all over’ to hundreds of people.” I was taken aback by their reaction. However I realized that this was just another instance of our over-the-top society.

We are part of a society where modest weddings; modest adequate speakers and simple modest homes are no longer acceptable.

We have embraced a contemporary ethos which demands total devotion to constantly striving to reach previously unattained limits.

While the desire to strive for greatness is certainly admirable and encouraged in ruchniyus spirituality it’s when this inner yearning for growth is corrupted by the need to constantly reach new peaks even within a mitzvah context that the desire for growth becomes potentially toxic and troubling.

I am not ranting just about weddings that have gone over the top.

Nor am I referring to the current state of affairs where every 13-year-old bar mitzvah boy needs a Borsalino something that used to be reserved for his wedding.

I am even referring to shiurim and tzedakah events.

A modest event for giving chizuk is no longer acceptable. The event must be billed as an international kinus with locations all over the world and full-page ads running for weeks beforehand.

A small fundraising ladies’ tea is no longer de rigueur; rather a women’s tzedakah event has to be coupled with a lavish hot buffet and crowned with an elegant Chinese auction.

Tzedakah organizations can no longer claim that if you contribute you will be helping another Jew survive. Nowadays they have to claim that you will be the recipient of “all of the yeshuos that you desire” with little or no mention of the people you will be helping.

In short we have become willing and supportive members of an over-the-top hype-oriented society.

Perhaps we should moderate our expectations and return to basics.

Perhaps the time has come to remember that every Friday afternoon before Kabbalos Shabbos the Chofetz Chaim would learn in Radin’s shul with the town’s menial workers.

No hype no big posters no promises of miracles; just the Chofetz Chaim achieving true greatness.