The Ambassadors Share

A week and a half after the first evening, a follow-up event was held, featuring a panel of over 35 out-of-town yungeleit, all formerly from Lakewood, who had returned to their old stomping grounds to share their experiences and field questions. On the designated evening, the room was abuzz. Over 250 local yungeleit crowded the hall as Rav Henoch Shachar, rav of Beis Medrash Ohr Tuvia and a veteran community leader in Lakewood, addressed the crowd. He spoke about the importance of yungeleit identifying their individual tafkid and seizing it. Following the speech, the out-of-town “ambassadors” assembled for a Q&A panel.

When some yungeleit expressed their concern that moving out of town is a “life sentence,” the out-of-towners clarified that there is no expectation for families to remain in their new communities forever. While many communities aim to retain their yungeleit and integrate them into the community even after they leave kollel, no one is pressured to stay.

Rabbi Ari Kahan spoke about his five-year stint in Minneapolis before eventually returning to Lakewood. “If you call it a life sentence, I guess you can call me a survivor,” he quipped. “In reality, after five years, we deliberated long and hard about whether to stay in Minneapolis. In the end, we chose to leave — but Minneapolis remained a huge part of our lives. The impact the community has on you — and you on them — lasts a lifetime.” By serving as a respected and integral member of a community, Ari explained, you automatically forge deep connections.

“I thought I was going to inspire others, but I became inspired myself,” said another yungerman. He acknowledged the cliché behind the sentiment, but said it’s true nonetheless.

Rabbi Nesanel Luria, who moved to Boston over five years ago, offered another perspective. “When you’re living in a quiet town far from your old friends and relatives, you tend to have more time for the things that truly count. You aren’t running to simchahs every other night or hopping from relative to relative for Shabbos; instead, you’re home more.”

Nesanel shared that a friend phoned him one night, and he had to ask him to call back because he was busy playing a board game with his daughter. “Aha, I guess in Boston you have time for things like that,” his friend joked. Nesanel reflected on how grateful he was for the tempered pace of life and the ability to spend meaningful time bonding with his children.

Another out-of-town ambassador shared his feelings about what a yungerman stands to gain when he joins an out-of-town kollel. “While so many succeed in BMG, countless others feel they aren’t maximizing their potential. By joining an out-of-town kollel, they begin to see the tangible effect their Torah has on the world — and that realization provides a tremendous sense of fulfillment.”

“It’s not just that I’m in a smaller kollel where I feel my contribution more,” another participant noted. “It is also that the community perceives me as a gavra. When you realize that families are pointing you out to their children as a role model, you naturally push yourself to fit that image.

“When I was in line at the grocery store recently, an older fellow from the community asked if I could help him with a Rashi he was struggling to understand. I was never a major Chumash-Rashi enthusiast back in Lakewood — but now, you bet I know my Rashis. I feel a sense of achrayus to be well-versed.”

Heart of the Movement

At the heart of the movement to transplant Lakewood yungeleit to farther pastures is Rabbi Sroyohu (Sroy) Levitansky. As the leader of the Ichud Hakollelim for the past two decades, Rabbi Levitansky has dedicated himself to setting up kollelim throughout America. He himself learned in the St. Louis Community Kollel before relocating to Lakewood 15 years ago, where he began his work as director of community development for BMG, until three years ago when the yeshivah officially established a new entity called Ichud Hakollelim, headed by Sroy, dedicated to strengthening out-of-town kollelim.  He spends his days building Torah centers from the ground up — which is no easy feat.

“I say I live in Lakewood, but I’m barely ever here,” Sroy admits. “I travel weekly to various cities across America — and sometimes to entirely different continents — networking, fundraising, and most importantly, communicating.”

His travels have taken him across the globe; he’s been to Moscow, Cape Town, Santiago, and recently, Berlin.

“Since this past Succos alone, I’ve worked extensively on projects in Jacksonville, Savannah, Pittsburgh, Berlin, and Phoenix — not to mention another brief trip to Moscow,” Sroy notes. “We’re also focused on strengthening the eight-yungeleit kollel in Orlando, which we launched just two years ago.”

In some instances, Rabbi Levitansky’s work involves launching a brand-new kollel in a burgeoning community — such as the one slated to open in Jacksonville, Florida, next year, or the one recently established in Phoenix, Arizona. In other cases, the mission involves revitalizing a longstanding kollel after the original members have transitioned into new roles, like in Savannah, Georgia.

The Numbers Issue

Rabbi Levitansky shares what he believes is the biggest pitch for moving out of town. “The most obvious benefit is the  potential impact on the yungerman himself,” he says. “People change so much in this role. Rather than being one individual learning in a room of 700 people, you’re now an elite member of a community; everyone looks up to you as the ben Torah in their midst. It automatically elevates you to a different plane.”

Rabbi Levitansky also points out another common frustration that can be alleviated by moving out of town: the difficulty in securing a position. Many yungeleit who have been in kollel a number of years want to become rebbeim or mesivta maggidei shiur, but while many have the capacity and the skill set to do the job, they’re competing with thousands of others and only a small percentage secure those positions. In smaller communities, however, opportunities are far more abundant. “The yungeleit push themselves to reach that top tier, and as a result, they don’t just land the shteller they deserve — they mold themselves into top-notch rebbeim in a way they never thought possible,” he says.

Nevertheless, despite the clear advantages such a move can bring the yungeleit, Rabbi Levitansky says there’s a stark disparity between the student body at Beis Medrash Govoha, which has experienced explosive growth over the past several decades, and the number of young couples choosing to serve as ambassadors of Torah in smaller communities, which has remained stagnant.

“The scale is entirely different now; we aren’t looking at a thousand talmidim anymore, but closer to ten thousand. Yet, we still see the same eighty to one hundred families moving out each year,” Sroy observes. “And that amount is falling short from what a growing number of cities desperately need.”

As new Orthodox locations continue to spring up across the map, the need for a kollel arises shortly thereafter; there’s no better way to strengthen the resolve and frumkeit of a town than establishing a vibrant beis medrash at its center.

But the numbers just aren’t adding up.

“We often have to send the yungeleit to fortify kollelim whose members have moved on — like we just did in Savannah, for instance,” Sroy says. “So we’re working on two fronts — building new kollelim and maintaining the old ones — and we’re being stretched thin by the small number of couples who are willing to go.”

Rabbi Levitansky shows me a sleek Ichud brochure, depicting a a group of yungeleit learning in a beis medrash, viewed through a keyhole — an allusion to the idea that moving out may unlock your innermost gadlus. Emblazoned over the image are the words: “Just Ask The Question.”

“I’m not saying it’s for everyone,” Rabbi Levitansky reiterates. “I’m just saying the question should be on the table.”

Peer to Peer

In recent months, the movement to encourage Lakewood yungeleit to consider broadening their horizons has received a boost of energy from within, which seems to be having a sizeable impact on the communal conversation. Rabbi Simcha Applebaum, a yungerman living in the Rust Belt city of South Bend, Indiana, says he and his peers believe they’ve discovered the secret sauce for engaging people in the out-of-town conversation. The most effective way to revive the discussion, he believes, is by connecting Lakewood yungeleit with their peers already living out-of-town.

“By hearing from the guys who are actually doing it, they get a much clearer picture of what the lifestyle is really all about,” he explains.

“We also recognize that in recent years a certain stigma has developed regarding moving out-of-town,” he adds. “Because the vast majority don’t go that route, people started thinking that those who do go must not be matzliach in Lakewood, or that they feel ‘different’ for some reason. In some chaburos, guys are visibly uncomfortable when a placement appointee is seen talking to them; they feel like something looks amiss if they’re being offered an out-of-town idea.”  Simcha believes that by hosting events where people can meet out-of-towners in person and have candid conversations, they’ll realize the stigma is unfounded.

One out-of-town yungerman shares a story — one of many similar anecdotes — that served as a catalyst to spark the initiative and the more recent involvement of prominent rabbanim and roshei yeshivah. “One night, I called a very choshuve rosh kollel and he told me that he was rushing to catch a flight back home after a short recruitment visit to Lakewood. And he sounded very disappointed.” The rosh kollel went on to describe how he tried for days to reach out to yungeleit to offer them slots in his well-known kollel — but was met with a total lack of interest.

“The oilem in yeshivah just doesn’t seem to have anything other than Lakewood on their radar,” the weary rosh kollel said.

“Many of us took notice of the increasingly difficult time our kollelim were having to recruit couples, so we decided to try and make the difference,” the yungerman says.

After a number of meetings with leading roshei yeshivah and rabbanim, this new initiative took form: The out-of-town yungeleit themselves were going to join forces with the Ichud Hakollelim under Rabbi Levitansky, alongside the vocal clarion call of the Lakewood leadership.

Now at this Q & A event, where the out-of-town yungeleit hoped to dispel any negative misconceptions, the crowd eventually made its way into the adjacent hall for a meet-and-greet, allowing them to engage directly with their out-of-town peers — and enjoy a gourmet hot buffet while they were at it. Each participant had his own table, identified by a small sign with his name and city.

Rabbi Mordechai Heber, who joined a kollel in Chicago some three years ago, could be seen addressing a group of yungeleit enjoying hot kugel and chicken poppers. He began by mentioning some of the most common concerns he hears from prospective couples. “They often mention that their wives are worried about where they’ll buy normal clothes for the kids,” he said with a laugh. Then he addressed the root of this inquiry: “It’s not that they’re petty; it’s just a real change of pace, and there hasn’t really been enough communication with the women about what life is like out-of-town.”

It’s precisely to address concerns like that that the Ichud, along with Simcha Applebaum’s tireless devotion, is working on the next event, scheduled for March 10th, which will cater specifically to the women, featuring a number of out-of-town kollel wives who wil be coming into Lakewood to engage in a similar peer-to-peer program like the one done for the men.

“They are often the ones with the most questions,” he says, “and they deserve answers. They are making a major life shift and need clarity to make an informed decision.”

Rabbi Meir Mintz of the Pico, California, kollel also acknowledged that while moving out presents challenges on multiple fronts, the shift is ultimately beneficial for the entire family. He noted that out-of-town, every family member contributes to the community in ways that would hardly be possible from a small basement in a Lakewood development. Women in these positions often assume roles as community caregivers and advisors, tapping into strengths that had been lying dormant and might never have emerged if not for the move.

One yungerman challenged an out-of-town ambassador with the following question: “What about the lack of flexibility in what you learn? If your rosh kollel decides to learn hilchos Kiddush Levanah for two years, you don’t have the liberty to find another chaburah! You’re stuck!”

The response came with a candid acknowledgment. “It’s true, there are fewer options. But I’ve learned a great deal about communication and being mevater.” While the response may have awarded him a few eye rolls, it highlights the core of the concept: There are pros and cons to both environments.

It Can Be Done

One of the most burning questions on everyone’s mind is why the number of couples moving out-of-town has remained stagnant over the past decade. Many of the Lakewood yungeleit attending the event shared their feelings about why they and their friends haven’t really been considering moving out-of-town until recently.

The answers varied from yungerman to yungerman, but one popular answer went something like this: We live in an era where learning in kollel has never been more attainable for the masses. The generational shifts sparked by Rav Aharon Kotler ztz”l, coupled with the population boom within the frum community, have created an infrastructure that makes starting married life in kollel a virtual no-brainer for a high percentage of young couples.

Along with this growth came comprehensive conveniences. Within the vaunted walls of BMG, the abundance of learning styles and the seemingly endless list of chaburos have made Lakewood the prime destination for fresh yungeleit. Materially, the options are just as vast: Grocery aisles are stocked with every conceivable brand, restaurants cater to every budget and preference, and clothing stores balance modesty with style. With a mechanic every few miles and school choices to accommodate — and dizzy — any young parent, many are simply opting for the path offering smooth sailing.

Others offered a different explanation. Those answering the Mashgiach’s call to spread Torah outside of Lakewood once also had another major incentive: financial stability. Sustaining a kollel lifestyle for many years is no small feat, and the financial strain grows exponentially with each child. Years ago, when kollel was still a nascent lifestyle, BMG offered a modest $340 monthly, and most women were earning starting salaries under $20,000. Joining fledgling kollelim in distant cities was an attractive alternative; communities generally offered free housing, affordable childcare, and a substantial monthly stipend.

However, in the past 15 years, that reality has shifted dramatically. First, corporate Lakewood began to flourish. Large buildings with sparkling glass exteriors now line streets like Boulevard of the Americas and Cedarbridge Avenue, and behind the desks sit young kollel wives whose starting salaries often meet or exceed $60,000. The introduction of the Adirei HaTorah initiative has made BMG an even more viable choice. The monthly stipend has increased significantly, easing the burden on families. As life in-town has become far more affordable, it’s had the effect of all but eliminating one of the longstanding incentives to move away.

Some respondents offered yet another perspective: With the growth of the BMG student body, people have become accustomed to following a well-beaten path. As one yungerman clarified, it’s not necessarily that everyone follows the herd blindly; rather, the idea of moving out of town simply doesn’t come up in discussion and consequently rarely enters the realm of consideration.

Is Outreach for Me?

The ambassadors fielded more questions from the crowd, touching on some of the prime hesitations facing people contemplating making the move. A common question centered on the kiruv aspect of out-of-town kollelim. What if a yungerman doesn’t feel up to that?

“It’s true that many kollelim expect you to learn with community members, usually during night seder,” responded Nesanel Luria of Boston, Massachusetts. “But you generally don’t need formal training for this. You may not realize how valuable the Gemara skills you attained over years in yeshivah are to others. People are often intimidated by the idea of teaching a seasoned doctor or scientist, but the fact is that you are the expert when it comes to navigating a sugya with Rishonim. Once you experience how much power you have to inspire others, that intimidation fades.”

Another yungerman wondered if joining an out-of-town kollel means signing up for lifetime yungerman status or a career in chinuch forever. Can an out-of-town yungerman transition smoothly into the workforce? Eli Perlman of Dallas, Texas, shared his take on that. “I recently began shifting into the role of an accountant, and there were absolutely no judgments from the community. In fact, the process had some benefits that wouldn’t necessarily exist in town. In a smaller community like my own, once you’ve established yourself as a marbitz Torah, that reputation remains with you. People continue to look up to you, which pushes you to continue growing even while spending most of your hours at the office.

“Furthermore, people who did not grow up in a strictly yeshivish environment generally view parnassah as a natural next step and respect your choices. You continue to serve the community; people still want to learn with you and hear shiurim from you, regardless of your daytime profession.”

“Isn’t it difficult to manage Shabbos and Yom Tov shopping in a town with minimal Jewish infrastructure?” wondered others.

One yungerman acknowledges that this was an adjustment. “Getting arba minim, for instance, was especially tricky this year,” he says. However, he stresses that there are trade-offs for everything. “I find it much easier to locate everything I need for Shabbos in the sole kosher aisle at my local Price Chopper than combing through the endless aisles of a Lakewood supermarket.”

When asked if their attendance at the event indicated real interest in moving out of town, the attendees’ answers varied. While one freely confessed he came for the food, and another said he wanted to see his old friends now that they were back in town, there seems to be no question that the rabbanim’s involvement in encouraging moving out-of-town has inspired yungeleit to take the idea more seriously than they otherwise might have. Additionally, the peer-to-peer format seems to be achieving its aim as well; hearing from fellow yungeleit is allowing those in Lakewood to hear from their own, which naturally engenders more real interest.

Will these events precipitate a mass migration from Lakewood? Probably not. But perhaps Rabbi Levitansky sums it up best: “No one is suggesting that out-of-town is inherently better than Lakewood. What we are saying is that for the right couple, it can be the difference between lack of fulfillment and tremendous success.”

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1102)