The root of the Hebrew word ahavah is connected to the root hav (hei, veis), meaning “to give, to offer.” On an existential level, it may mean “to give of oneself,” but I think it’s also about connecting to another person. The gifts I give create a stronger bond.

Researchers at the University of Zurich in Switzerland did a study on gifting. They gave 50 people $100 and instructed half of them to spend the money on themselves and the others to spend it on someone else.

The researchers then performed MRIs on the participants and found that the gift-givers had an improved sense of well-being and joy. They found that those positive effects were present even during the various steps leading up to the actual opening of the gift. The experience of figuring out what to get for someone you love and anticipating watching them receiving it activates these same reward pathways.

Even when it’s not the “perfect” gift (“No, Bubba, I like little Legos, NOT Playmobil”), a gift says, “I thought about you when you weren’t with me, and I saw something that I thought would bring you joy.” It doesn’t have to be for a specific occasion. A gift is a physical manifestation of a relationship, of a connection between us.

I like collecting interesting (or strange) items, and one of my largest collections consists of Starbucks mugs, though I don’t even like Starbucks coffee.

It started many years ago, when I visited Japan with my husband. As we awaited our return flight to the States, he said, “Why don’t you go spend our last few yen? What will we do with them in America?”

Wandering around the airport, I made my way into Starbucks, where I spotted a beautiful mug that said Kyoto on it. I learned that Starbucks has a series called, “You Are Here.” It produces a mug with the name of the location and an iconic representative design. I have about 50 “You Are Here” mugs from all over the world. These mugs must be bought on location (not Amazon), and friends and relatives often gift me with their personal additions to my collection.

Each mug means I’ve been remembered.

“Do you have Cancun? Yay, you don’t! I found it on my vacation.”

My daughter’s friend thought of me while on a skiing trip to Colorado. When my son-in-law was diverted to Jordan while on a flight from Australia, he proudly presented me with a Starbucks mug from Jordan.

Their pride and pleasure in having added to my collection is equal to my joy in receiving it.

It’s February, and with several family birthdays coming up, I’m thinking about what might be “special” for this year’s round of gifts. (It gets more challenging as the kids get older!)

Because much as gift giving is for the recipient, there’s nothing quite like the joy I experience as my friends and grandchildren open their gifts. The message they send — the bond they strengthen — is, indeed, priceless.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 981)