Toameha is not a social gathering, an independent ritual, or an opportunity for indulgence

O

ver the past several weeks, an old, often overlooked Erev Shabbos practice has suddenly been thrust into the spotlight.

Toameha, the quiet act of tasting Shabbos food before candlelighting, has long lived in the background of Jewish life. Never performed dramatically or loudly, it was done at the stove, with the clock ticking down and the challahs rising on the counter. But that humble practice has recently become the subject of intense debate in frum circles — and for good reason.

Much of this attention was sparked by powerful and painful remarks delivered by Rav Yaakov Bender shlita, rosh yeshivah of Yeshivah Darchei Torah, during a visit to the Toronto shul in which I grew up. Rav Bender decried what he described as a growing culture of alcohol consumption. This has already caused numerous tragedies that began with seemingly harmless Friday-afternoon decisions.

Rav Bender focused on contemporary toameha gatherings — events that, in many places, have evolved far beyond a taste at the pot, into social affairs marked by heavy consumption of food and drink. His conclusion was forceful: Practices that normalize this culture should be eliminated.

In the aftermath of these remarks, some people were, understandably, asking questions. What, then, is toameha? Isn’t it itself a mitzvah — or at least a long-standing minhag? And if so, how are we to understand calls to eliminate it?

To answer those questions honestly, we must first step back and ask a more fundamental one: What is Erev Shabbos meant to be? What is the avodah of Erev Shabbos?

For Generations

The sefer Otzros HaTorah relates a story from Rav Simcha Kaplan that sheds light on the inner nature of the day. In his years as a talmid in the Mir Yeshivah in Poland, he boarded with a local couple who lived nearby.

One Friday morning, Rav Kaplan overheard the wife repeatedly urging her husband, “Make sure you come home early for Shabbos.”

This struck him as unusual. When Rav Kaplan returned home in the early afternoon, he noticed the woman standing by the window, visibly anxious. Curious, he asked her what was troubling her.

“I’m worried about Shabbos,” she replied.

“But it’s still four hours until candlelighting,” he said. “Why the concern?”

The woman then shared that for many years, she and her husband had been childless. Eventually, they were blessed with a child — but he was extremely frail. He failed to grow properly, he ate very little, and he was weak. He did not walk until much later than expected. After extensive evaluation, the doctors delivered devastating news: The child suffered from a severe heart condition and was not expected to live more than a few years. There was no treatment, no cure, and no hope.

“Do not waste your time or money,” they were told.

Brokenhearted, the parents were advised to seek a brachah from the Chofetz Chaim. On their way back to Mir, they stopped in Radin and poured out their anguish to him.

The Chofetz Chaim listened carefully and said, “I will tell you what to do.” Turning to the mother, he instructed: “From now on, every Erev Shabbos by midday, your Shabbos table should already be set and the candles prepared. And from the moment you light the Shabbos candles, no one in the house should perform any melachah.”

Though halachah permits other members of the household to continue working until close to sunset, the woman accepted this upon herself without hesitation.

By the time they returned to Mir two days later, the child was already showing remarkable improvement. He began eating, gaining weight, and growing stronger. Their local doctor was astonished. He could not believe it was the same patient.

The Nature and Purpose of Toameha

The story, however, demands explanation. What was the meaning of this seemingly unusual segulah, being prepared for Shabbos hours before its halachic onset?

Rav Mannis Mandel explained that the Chofetz Chaim was not a miracle worker. He was a master of Torah who understood the depth of a pasuk.

The Torah states: “V’shamru Bnei Yisrael es haShabbos… l’dorosam” — “The Children of Israel shall observe the Shabbos… for their generations” (Shemos 31:16).

The word v’shamru carries two meanings. It can mean to observe — but it can also mean to anticipate, as in the pasuk, “V’aviv shamar es hadavar,” where Yaakov awaited and held something in expectation.

The Chofetz Chaim understood the pasuk as teaching that l’dorosam — continuity, future generations — comes through v’shamru in both senses: careful observance and eager anticipation. Therefore, he instructed the mother to fulfill both. Complete observance from candlelighting onward, and active anticipation beginning already at midday.

This explains the woman’s anxiety that Friday afternoon. It was not fear; it was anticipation. From noon onward, she was already living with Shabbos in mind. And because she fulfilled v’shamru in its fullest sense, she merited l’dorosam — the preservation of her child and the continuation of her family.

This story captures the essence of Erev Shabbos. It is not a day of activity for its own sake. It is a day lived in the shadow of the approaching Shabbos — shaped by anticipation, restraint, and reverence for what is about to enter.

And it is precisely through this lens that toameha must be understood.

The practice of tasting Shabbos food on Erev Shabbos, called “toameha,” appears in the words of the Rishonim and poskim, among them the Machzor Vitri (§191) in the name of the Yerushalmi, the Shibbolei HaLeket (82), and the Magen Avraham (250), who cites the Arizal.

According to many authorities, the purpose of toameha is practical: to ensure that the food has been properly prepared and seasoned for Shabbos (Mateh Moshe 308; Mishnah Berurah 250:2).

Others, however, understand toameha as an inherently spiritual act, independent of any concern for taste. Through tasting Shabbos food in advance, one merits the blessing expressed in the phrase from Shabbos Mussaf, “toameha chayim zachu” — “those who taste merit life” (Mishnah Berurah, Shaar Hatziyun 250:8).

If the purpose of toameha is quality control, it suffices for one member of the household to taste the food (Magen Avraham 250:1). However, according to the kabbalistic approach, ideally each member of the household should personally taste the Shabbos food (Nishmas Shabbos 250:135).

Indeed, it is recorded that certain tzaddikim, when spending Shabbos in another person’s home, would specifically ask to taste each dish being prepared in fulfillment of this mitzvah (Chut Shani, vol. 4, p. 27).

Nevertheless, Minhag Yisrael Torah (p. 277) cites poskim who explain that the widespread custom not to taste every dish is based on the assumption that the one preparing the food — generally the woman of the house — has ensured that the dishes are fit for Shabbos.

The “Toameha Party”

The Shulchan Aruch (Orach Chayim 249:2) prohibits eating a meal on Erev Shabbos larger than one would normally eat during the week. The concern is twofold: Such a meal diminishes one’s appetite for the Shabbos meal; and it interferes with proper preparation for Shabbos (Mishnah Berurah 249:10; Pri Megadim 249:1).

An exception is made for a seudas mitzvah held at its fixed time, such as a bris milah on the eighth day (Rema 249:1), though even then it is preferable for the meal to conclude before midday (Shulchan Hatahor 249:9).

While a regular meal is technically permitted throughout Friday, there is a mitzvah to refrain from beginning a satiating meal from the end of the ninth halachic hour, to preserve one’s appetite for Shabbos (Mishnah Berurah 249:16). Light snacking is permitted, provided it does not impair one’s appetite.

Alcohol consumption raises additional concerns. Drinking in a way that diminishes one’s appetite or impairs one’s readiness for Shabbos is halachically objectionable (Mishnah Berurah 249:14). The Kaf HaChaim (249:9) adds that excessive drinking can undermine one’s overall ability to properly observe Shabbos.

Viewed against this backdrop, the contemporary phenomenon of the “toameha party” is a significant departure from the original concept.

The Nishmas Shabbos (siman 136) writes that there is no halachic basis for serving foods at a toameha that will not later be served on Shabbos and that were prepared exclusively for the Friday gathering.

According to the practical rationale, tasting such food is meaningless — it will not be served on Shabbos. According to the kabbalistic rationale, one must taste the actual food designated for the Shabbos meal, not merely similar dishes.

When such gatherings involve significant eating or drinking, they not only fail to fulfill toameha; they actively conflict with the halachos governing Erev Shabbos. Eating or drinking in a way that diminishes appetite or readiness for Shabbos constitutes a zilzul in kavod Shabbos.

Toameha was never meant to be an experience for its own sake. Its meaning is derived entirely from its relationship to Shabbos — meaningful only insofar as it enhances the Shabbos experience itself.

A Necessary Clarification

None of this means that guests or visitors should go unfed on Friday. Providing food to others is often a beautiful mitzvah of chesed or hachnassas orchim. But such eating does not automatically constitute toameha, nor does it exempt one from remaining mindful of the halachic boundaries of Erev Shabbos.

Toameha is not a social gathering, an independent ritual, or an opportunity for indulgence. It is a quiet, time-honored expression of kavod Shabbos — meaningful only insofar as it heightens awareness of what is about to enter.

Erev Shabbos is not meant to replace Shabbos, but to make space for it. And when it is lived that way, it becomes not a distraction from holiness, but the doorway through which holiness enters.

Rabbi Aryeh Kerzner is the rav of Agudas Yisrael of Montreal and a noted posek and popular speaker. Many of his shiurim and speeches are available online. He is the author of the sefer Halachah at Home, published by ArtScroll/Mesorah.  

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1098)