The funerals of four young men taken in the prime of life has left their families and the larger community reeling

Photos: CBN, TheLakewoodScoop.com

The funerals of four young men taken in the prime of life has left their families and the larger community reeling. When such tragedy strikes, they were the ones their friends would have turned to for solace

The atmosphere at four consecutive levayos in Lakewood on Sunday was a mixture of agony and shock.

A stunned tzibbur gathered in the Lakewood High School gym, at nearby Sons of Israel chapel, and at Kamenetz of Lakewood to pay kavod acharon to four young men, snatched from their families’ embrace in the prime of their lives. Listeners clutched tissues, many rocking back and forth in their chairs in mourning.

Maspidim detailed how the niftarim were filled with simchas hachayim until the moment determined by Divine decree to recall them to Yeshivah shel Maalah.

“We must know, must believe, that this was the time,” several of the speakers emphasized.

The niftarim are Yaakov Kilberg, Aharon Nosson Lebovitz, and Shloimy Cohen from Lakewood; and Chaim Simcha Grossman of South Fallsburg.

All were remembered for their vibrancy, chesed, love for other Jews, and middah of emes.

Rabbi Shaul Sinsky of Pine River related how Shloimy Cohen would be mechazek people, and how a conversation with him always left the other feeling better, and uplifted. The rav mentioned that he had experienced that with the young bochur as well.

Maspidim spoke of the love for mitzvos the boys had, relishing building succahs or managing arba minim sales. They would “do anything for anyone,” several said, thrilling in the ability to do chesed or help out where needed. They stressed the sense of acharayus, responsibility for others, that the niftarim had.

“Yaakov just wanted to help everyone succeed,” remembered Rabbi Michoel Beren, director of Camp Yaldei Govoha. “He would do anything at any hour to help others.”

BMG Rosh Yeshivah Rav Yerucham Olshin, who spoke at several of the levayos, offered words of praise for the bochurim and their families, emphasizing that they were “kulo Torah, kulo chesed.” One volunteered at bikur cholim, another had just started to learn the Oraysa program.

Some of the bochurim had plans to attend a new yeshivah this coming zeman, marking an additional aliyah in their drive for growth. Many maspidim spoke of their love for Torah, cheishek to grow, great honor for talmidei chachamim, and… and refusal to settle for just good enough.

“When Chaim Simcha wasn’t in shiur one day, I knew I had it easy that day,” said his rebbi. “He wouldn’t be there to challenge everything I presented. But in truth, it was harder, because I needed his drive for emes.”

The bochurim were also noted for their drive for emes, their constant questioning as to what was the right thing to do in any particular situation; refusal to go along with something questionable just because “that’s what everyone was doing.”

“Yaakov once approached me at 2:30 a.m. to protest something he felt was unacceptable, spiritually,” Rabbi Beren reported. “He gently asserted said that if the issue wasn’t addressed… he was resigning from camp.”

“We need them here to comfort us,” said Rav Yehuda Kohn, the rosh yeshivah of some of the bochurim. “At I time like this, they were the ones their friends would turn to.”

“He didn’t have a negative word to say about anyone,” was a theme repeated at all the levayos. “He always wanted to make everyone feel good, never bad about themselves. He was a source of chizuk and comfort.”

“Even if he needed to call someone out, it was softly, gently, and respectfully.”

“He treasured everything he did, every, accomplishment, every moment,” one maspid said. “Always living in the time, making the most of each opportunity.”

Yaakov was a beloved member of the staff of Camp Yaldei Govoha, where he added so much to the spirit and joy of the campers. Aharon Nosson, or “Lebo,” was a counselor at Oorah’s The Zone, where his simchah and kindness brought joy  — and the light of Torah- to so many children.

Speaking at the levayah of their children and grandchildren, or talmidim, maspidim pointed out the emunah peshutah that was common among the four. “He always said, ‘Hashem takes care of me, it will work out in the end.’ ”

May Hashem show us, soon, how it all works out in the end, and may the families find true nechamah.

A Hug with Two Arms

How does a Yid cope with tragedy? As a nation, as a community, and as a family; how do we interact with acute pain and loss? What are we meant to learn, how should we respond? We asked Rav Chaim Mayer Roth, rav of Sterling Forest-Sefard and av beis din at Bais Din Maysharim, for guidance.

Rav Roth opens with an important caveat. In a voice weighty with pain, he stresses that nothing that follows should, chalilah, be construed as addressed or referring to the families experiencing the tragedy firsthand. “This is incomparable pain… for parents to lose young children… shreklach, shreklach, shreklach! It’s unimaginable, there are no words that anyone can speak. Only the Ribbono shel Olam Himself can strengthen holy people undergoing such yissurim.”

The following thoughts are directed only to the Jewish People in general.

Knesses Yisrael says in Shir Hashirim (8:3) “Smolo tachas roshi v’yemino techabkeini — His left [arm] supports my head, and His right embraces me.”

Chazal explain: His left [arm] supports my head: This refers to Rosh Hashanah through Yom Kippur.

His right embraces me: This refers to Succos.

Chazal are telling us that when the Ribbono shel Olam, kiveyachol, holds us close, He uses two arms. The loving hug is a combination of smol and yemin, left and right, din and chesed, discipline and kindness.

Yemino techabkeini refers to the things we enjoy easily. It’s the yemin mekareves, the right hand that Chazal say should be used to draw near. It’s the good news — which so often doesn’t make the news. It’s the release of 20 living hostages on Hoshana Rabbah, the simchahs, the besuros tovos. It’s the succah in which the Ribbono shel Olam caresses us with a warm embrace of tangible love.

But a healthy relationship between Father and child is not only hugs and kisses… there must also be discipline. A father who shows only favor is not a good father — not even a loving father at all.

Shlomo Hamelech also tells us in Mishlei (13:24): “Chosech shivto sonei bno — One who spares the rod [withholds discipline, acts as if he] hates his son.” Children need love and discipline; providing the parallel needs of the child is what it means to be a father, to be in a relationship. A parent who showers a child with only love gives him nothing. Even his love is meaningless, because he does not care enough to grant the child all his needs.

Were the Ribbono shel Olam to live with us in the succah without a preceding Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur — without din and discipline — it would not be a true relationship. It would be less than a one-handed hug; it would be none at all. He holds us responsible for our deeds, to a value system — for better or worse.

The left arm of discipline is an essential part of the hug, of the relationship. In fact, as the pasuk stresses, it is supporting our head. It holds us up, holds us accountable, keeps us straight. It is only afterward that the right arm of the succah can complete the relationship.

Our loving relationship with the Ribbono shel Olam is not always expressed as kindness. Sometimes He must show us disapproval, communicate that there are things we should change, adjust, and learn.

Of course, that doesn’t mean we always understand what precisely it is that we should learn.

In context, it would seem that at least one lesson here is a reminder that we cannot leave Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and Succos behind us and allow ourselves to be swept away all too soon in the ebb and flow of life. We cannot just go on, go back, to the way things were before. The decisions we reached, the changes we made, the levels we attained — we must take them seriously, carry them with us, make them last.

They are like checks — and this is the time to cash them, not just throw them away. This is not just a time for trips and fun. We have received a firm reminder that Hashem still cares about what we do, even after the Yamim Noraim have passed. He still loves us, and is still willing to discipline us, if necessary.

Yom Tov was so derhoiben… we cannot let it slip away. We must build upon it.

O

ne final thought.

Chazal tell us that “Kol hadrachim b’chezkas mesukanim heim — all roads are inherently dangerous.” Certainly in the times of Chazal, the highways and byways were beset with dangerous animals and ruthless humans. Today, these are less prevalent, but the definition of travel as an activity that includes risk is undeniable. It would be well advised for us to say Tefillas Haderech with care and kavanah, and to improve the quality of the time we spend on the roads.

Instead of listening to the radio or a podcast, we can fulfill u’vlechtecha baderech. Travel time can be used to listen to divrei Torah, a shiur, or perhaps even to make a phone call to be mechazeik someone who would appreciate it. Certainly, we all have ways in which we can improve our travel habits.

Let us continue to daven for a gezunten vinter, let us not lose the positivity with which we enjoyed Yom Tov. Let us be secure in the belief that the Ribbono shel Olam still wants to do good for Klal Yisrael, and may we merit a freilich year.

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1083)