The nusach of our saying “Atah” is clearly so that we can feel that we are speaking to Him, panim el panim, face-to-face,  says the Rashba

“Let’s see, the flight from Ben Gurion to Newark is about eleven hours. What an opportunity! I’ll bring that mini-sized Bava Kamma, the proofs from the chasunah that might end up in the Bubby-Zeidy album, four unread Mishpacha magazines, and the latest 364-page Krohn book.”

I’m sure you know the ending. Five lines of Bava Kamma, a three-minute flip through one old Besser piece, and the rest never even left the overhead bin.

Welcome, Yom Kippur. Plans. So many plans. All with really good intentions. Who doesn’t want to be better? And yet change is so very elusive.

The Count

On one recent flight, I found myself with nothing in particular in the overhead bin, or in the seat pocket in front of me, vying for my attention. Out of nowhere, a curious thought crossed my mind.

Which word appears most often in Shemoneh Esreh?

My first guess was Hashem’s name. Second was perhaps the word “Baruch.”

And so I started counting. (It took a while.) To my surprise, the winner was “Atah” — it actually appears 35 times, much more than the runner-up.

Why this suddenly mattered so much to me, I have no idea. As if the Anshei Knesses Hagedolah intentionally placed significance on word frequency. And yet somehow, I found this bit of apparent trivia compelling.

But it wasn’t the number. If you’re waiting for some captivating gematria or numerical implication of 35, you’re driving in the wrong lane.

It was the word itself.

If you find yourself in conversation with a rosh yeshivah or a rav, especially one who is particularly choshuv, you would never address him in the second person, with “you.” It would be impolite, improper… disrespectful.

“What is the Rosh Yeshivah’s understanding of this Rashi?” you would say. Third person, of course.

And yet here we are, standing before the Ribbono shel Olam, begging for His Heavenly assistance, affirming His preeminence… and we dare to speak in the second person? “Baruch Atah, Hashem”? “Ki Atah shomei’a”?

How are we to understand this glaring anomaly?

Face-to-Face

One explanation might be that closeness with Hashem can never be compromised. Maamarei Chazal are replete with reminders that we are banim laMakom, children of HaKadosh Baruch Hu. As such, we are implored to forever strive for a relationship with Him. And just like we detect the word “real” in relationship, that authenticity must be our goal in our relationship with Him. Ani l’dodi v’dodi li, I am to My Beloved and My Beloved is to me, should be our battle cry all year long, not just in Elul. Our use of the direct word Atah is a passionate adjunct to help us achieve this goal.

Abravanel expresses this beautifully. Hashem is “willing” to be moichel on His kavod, he says, and have us talk “with chutzpah,” so that we see that He is truly in front of us.

The nusach of our saying “Atah” is clearly so that we can feel that we are speaking to Him, panim el panim, face-to-face, says the Rashba.

I might add, in a similar vein, that we need to create an atmosphere with our own children that makes them feel that they can speak with us without barriers. Openly. Honestly. Directly. Today’s kids need us more than ever. Chutzpah? No. But frankly, and with candor.

Maybe change is not as elusive as we think. That word, “Atah,” appears in your siddurim and machzorim over and over again this time of year. And of course on Yom Kippur itself, more than any other day of the year. If we could just stop, even for a small moment, even if it’s just during Ne’ilah, and picture Hashem being right in front of us — panim el panim — it could change everything. (Underlining or even highlighting that word is recommended for the really serious-minded.)

You don’t even need to reach into that overhead bin. He is right there.

With you.

Rabbi Yaakov Salomon, LCSW has been practicing psychotherapy for over 40 years and has authored several books, published by ArtScroll. He and his family reside in Jackson, NJ

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1080)