“Thank you for putting Torah values back into therapy practices”

It’s an Upside-Down World [To Be Honest / Issue 960]

“Olam hafuch raisi,” said Rabi Yehoshua. “I saw those who are considered high here were low there, and those considered low here were high there.”

I think of that gemara every time the issue of low teacher’s salaries is brought up, as Leah Klein did so eloquently. Because in this world, teachers receive so little pay; their salary is inversely related to their contribution to society. They usually drive yeshivish cars and dress their families simply. They’re not wealthy enough to be on any board or decision-making body. Their homes are not large enough to host parlor meetings. And unfortunately, today, they’re also not particularly respected by their students or the parents. Or by the community, unless they make it to the top and become school principal.

The only serious acknowledgment they really get is a small end-of-year gift and some compliments scrawled on a thank-you note. But as they say in Israel, “Im machmaot lo konim bamakolet.” You can’t pay for groceries with compliments.

I’m sure in Olam HaEmes, teachers are A-list celebrities. I imagine that the malachim rise when they arrive Upstairs. Meanwhile, it’s up to us as a community to make sure that teachers can afford to feed their families. And as the TBH pointed out, we’re failing at that.

Raizy Jotkowitz

The Yiddishe Way [Quick Q / Issue 960]

I was relieved to see that according to the Quick Q poll, the vast majority of respondents would have preferred their child to be the victim rather than the perpetrator of bullying. That’s the Yiddishe way. Am Yisrael is supposed to be “rachmanim, bayshanim, and gomlei chasadim.”

Parents of children who bully, don’t lose heart. HaKadosh Baruch Hu creates everyone with different personalities. Some are more inclined to have strong personalities and some weaker. Whatever personality your child is born with, his mission is to strive toward the elusive balance, the shvil hazahav. If he’s naturally a bully, he needs to learn to be more compassionate. If he’s naturally a victim, he needs to develop confidence and inner strength.

Hashem should bentsh all parents with hatzlachah.

Devori Goldberger

We Don’t Know Better than the Ramban [Inbox / Issue 959]

Thank you, Sarah Chana Radcliffe, for your articles, and especially for your response to an Inbox letter in which you point out that the Torah often encourages suppression of emotion. This is something I think about each time I read an article encouraging emotional expression. Therapists all over welcome all emotion, even anger, telling us we shouldn’t deny what our feelings are telling us, etc. But the Ramban tells us that anger is a middah we should stay far, far away from, and I wonder what these therapists know that the Ramban didn’t. (Answer: nothing.) Thank you for putting Torah values back into therapy practices.

Name Withheld

It’s a Mitzvah [Candy Culture / Issue 958]

We’d like to add four points to Rivky Silver’s excellent article about sugar in the frum community, especially in our schools.

First, does the yeshivah or Bais Yaakov perhaps have a role in teaching the mitzvah of guarding one’s health? To quote Rav Yaakov Weinberg ztz”l, “It is an obligation that ought to be observed like all other mitzvos.”

Second, even if a principal were to object, “Well, we don’t have time to add this topic to our curriculum,” they should be aware of the direct impact that nutrition and exercise have on learning. Good nutrition and proper exercise increase concentration and improve memory, while the contrary does the opposite. Therefore, even from the perspective of “pure learning,” these topics should be of the utmost important to every menahel.

Third, the writer is 100 percent correct to point out the parents’ role in this sugar situation; however, parents aren’t as difficult as they state. For instance, most schools have successfully banned cell phones and other technologies that parents give their children. If they wanted to ban soda, they could. Indeed, Mrs. Silver writes, “Giving out soda as a prize was one of the top complaints I heard from parents while researching this article.”

Finally, speaking of soda, it’s vital for school leaders to know that sugar comes in many forms and they’re not equally harmful. The most harmful form is liquid — that includes soda, fruit juice, Gatorade, iced tea, iced coffee, etc. Even banning or severely restricting only these popular liquid sugars would be a huge boost to short- and long-term health in our communities, and our children’s success (perhaps also creating a teachable moment).

Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld and Daniel Grove, MD

Torah Health and Wellness (TorahHealth.org)

Not Good for Chinuch [Editor’s Letter / Issue 958]

The editor’s letter by Ricky Boles described a scene at the uniform store where the cashier was not surprised that a woman was buying every uniform in town because she didn’t know where her kid would go to school. After all, this happens all the time.

Ricky wrote how she found it “a lot to process” because it was a week before school started. Do you know that there are kids still not in school? I myself know ten kids who are sitting at home while everyone else gets on the bus in the morning. Their parents are spending hours each day calling and begging everyone they know to get their kid into a school, but no one will take them.

I know people feel their school needs to be insular, and they just can’t let certain “types” in. But if your way of being mechanech your kids is by causing terrible pain and stress to others because you cannot handle a little diversity and you perceive others to be “worse” than you and not worthy of joining your school, how much siyata d’Shmaya in chinuch do you think you’ll have?

Rivka Gold

Wakeup Call [Will You Be My Friend? / Issue 957]

Your article on making and keeping friends in adulthood was really relevant to where I am now. I’m still single, but I work full-time at a very demanding job, and I don’t have the time to get together with friends during the week, and on Shabbos, all I want to do is sleep (yes, even singles struggle with the work-life balance!). When I read your article, I realized I’ve been making a mistake choosing my job over my social life, and if I don’t push myself, in ten years’ time I’ll really regret it.

Name Withheld

When Honey Isn’t Honey [Off the Eaten Path / Issue 955]

A recent article discussing the authors’ trip to South America mentioned that they bought honey at a local craft fair. The authors are correct that most kashrus agencies will instruct that 100% pure bee honey does not require hashgachah, and one may thus purchase such honey anywhere in the world without concern.

It is worth noting the two caveats in that statement. The first is that it must be 100% pure honey. There are some places where flavors are added to the honey, which can have kashrus implications, and in other places the honey is not actually honey.

The second qualification in that statement is the word “bee” in bee honey. When kashrus organizations say that pure bee honey is kosher, the word bee refers to the normal, regular honeybee, known scientifically as Apis mellifera. There is a small but growing production of another kind of honey, known as Melipona honey or stingless-bee honey. This honey is produced by Melipona bees, a genus of stingless bees native to Central and South America. Most halachic authorities rule that only “regular” honey is kosher and thus advise against consuming Melipona honey. This honey is readily distinguishable from regular honeybee honey, as it has a more liquid texture and a tangy-sweet flavor. It is likely more expensive than regular honey and would likely be clearly labeled.

There is there likely no problem purchasing honey in a rural market in South America, as long as it is 100% pure bee honey. The overwhelming majority of honey, even in South America, is likely still from regular honeybees — but it’s worth being aware of the nonkosher honey that is on the market.

Ari Zivotofsky

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 961)