“Floaties are not a substitute for supervision! In fact, they can actually increase the risk of drowning by providing a false sense of security”

Siblings as a Priority [Inbox / Issue 1077]

I read with interest the inbox letter titled “Family First,” with a reader’s thoughts about a proposed initiative to allocate tzedakah money proportionately to luxury spending.  We should be praising our donors to major institutions, those who host fundraisers for communal organizations and give generously of their finances. At the same time, it may behoove those who have the ability to do all of this to think very carefully.

Even if their siblings are not living below the poverty level or in desperate financial straits, does it really make so much sense to build palatial mansions, travel excessively, and host exquisite parlor meetings when their siblings are just scraping by? We all benefit from the gvirim and donors in our communities, but a test of real character is how those who were blessed with more act toward their own families.  When you host elaborate fundraisers for communal institutions or double the size of your house so you can host communal activities but have siblings who can’t afford to send their children to camp, do basic necessary house repairs, pay for needed orthodontic work for their children, and the like, you’ve kind of missed the point that chesed begins at home.

It’s time for those with the means to proactively think of their siblings’ lives and struggles, though it may be a lot more glorious to help outside organizations than to think of ways to help your struggling sibling.

A Reader

Path to Growth [Course Correction / Issue1077]

As usual, this past week’s issue was very informative and entertaining. I especially enjoyed seeing the smiling face of my ninth grade Chaim Berlin Rebbe, Rav Avraham Kleinkaufman, and learning about Reb Shlomo Friedmann, who started him on his path to yeshivah attendance.

But the article that I felt was most eye-opening, and that will im yirtzeh Hashem start me on a new path in avodas Hashem, was the beginning of a new series by Rabbi Dovid Schoonmaker on the Tomer Devorah. I had always assumed that the Tomer Devorah was an esoteric, intense machshavah sefer that I would eventually get around to, but that most probably wouldn’t make much of a difference in my life.

How wrong I was!  After reading Rabbi Schoonmaker’s article about savlanus, I realized that this was a middah (probably one of many) that I had been deficient in. My wife has agreed to be my “chavrusa” in this endeavor, in which she will lovingly comment if she notices that I am slacking off in living up to the kabbalos I have undertaken.

My personal life motto is “Never stop growing.” I’m eagerly looking forward to the followup articles by Rabbi Schoonmaker on further ways to improve my middos. I hope the Tomer Devorah will enable me to live up to my motto.

Sholom Dov Rothman

Yerushalayim

Straight Talk [On Site / Issue 1077]

Last week’s edition was a wonderful read. I particularly enjoyed reading Tzivia Meth’s article on Rabbi Shlomo Friedmann, as well as Yonoson Rosenblum’s nuanced take on the correct way to balance celebrating Israel’s successes while remembering it’s all directed from Above.

The last article I read (I start from the Kichels of course, then jump back and forth) was the On Site feature, focused on Akiva Zuravin. I enjoyed reading about his childhood and professional career development, and it’s beautiful to see another Yid experience success in business, while respecting his principles and striving to provide honest, top-quality service.

That being said, I also want to respond to the article’s token nods to the mixed feelings that this overwhelming construction will be bringing to the city’s residents. The gentrification of Yerushalayim is a big topic, with a lot to be said on both sides, and the article didn’t address that.

Seeing these big questions being asked, followed by marketing-speak “non-answers” about “quality not necessarily defined by opulence,” or luxury high-end projects looking to “add to that story in a way that feels true to its character” felt insulting to those of us running hardworking dual-income households who still can’t dream of purchasing an apartment anywhere we’d actually want to live.

That last line in particular irked me. This is not real, authentic Yerushalayim. My grandfather a”h, who grew up as one of many children in a tiny Batei Ungarin apartment, would find it so completely foreign. That’s not to say that progress should be banned, but let’s say it for what it is: an investment opportunity, not a natural extension of the world’s holiest city.

And on that final note — was the use of secular “Jerusalem” over “Yerushalayim” deliberate? Because Ir Olam is not “the evolution we’re waiting for.” We’re waiting for Mashiach to come and perform the ultimate transformation, with the Beis Hamikdash and the return of Am Yisrael to their eternal capital. I trust that all the Diaspora Jews will find a way to come, even if the apartments they can afford aren’t the height of luxury.

I look forward to seeing a full-length investigation of the Israeli housing topic at some point in the future.

Name Withheld

Kids in Risk [Growing Up Greenwald / Issue 1076]

I was elated when I read your article about Rabbi Ronnie Greenwald, whom I met on a number of occasions at Rosh Hashanah programs run by the Jewish Heritage Center. As we were both active behind the scenes for various Jewish causes, we enjoyed comparing notes.

One of Rabbi Greenwald’s favorite activities was being mechazek kids who for whatever reason could not fit into the system. He used to say, “All children are at risk but there are also children in risk.” He strongly advocated that parents spend more time with their kids.

The last time I spent Yom Tov with Ronnie, I urged him to give out a book about his life as an activist as a way to inspire many kids to tap into their divine talents in helping the Am Hashem. Now his family and friends are ensuring his legacy lives on.

Yehi zichro baruch.

Heshy Friedman
Brooklyn, NY

The Bigger Picture [Growing Up Greenwald / Issue 1076]

I was disappointed that the article about Rabbi Ronnie Greenwald didn’t spend more time on his life-changing initiatives — e.g., his work with at-risk, and beyond-risk teenage girls.

The same can be said about the depiction of Rabbi Wein as a historian. Rabbi Wein saw that there was a big hole in Jewish education, called the lack of knowledge of our own history. He made it one of his life’s goals, and he had a myriad of them, to plug it. Similarly, Rabbi Greenwald met challenges head on, not because they appealed to him, but because he was also a Jewish superhero who saw crying communal needs, and set out to do something about them.

Every one of us knows a not-yet frum coworker that we could bring under the wings of the Shechinah. Every one of us knows young men and women who need shidduchim. We should do our best to emulate Rabbi Wein and Rabbi Greenwald and do what we know needs to be done for our fellow Jew, to the best of our abilities.

Dovid Green

When DAFs Don’t Work [Smarter Giving / Issue 1076]

Esther Kurtz’s article describing the advantages of donor-advised funds was extremely timely and informative. However, one important aspect that affects our elderly frum community must be added. Baruch Hashem, our community has many elderly members (over 70) who have large IRA pensions and give tens of thousands of dollars to various tzedakahs each year.

Normally, any money taken out of a traditional IRA must be reported as taxable income. I have been approached by many who want to put this money into a DAF in order to take advantage of a special IRS rule that allows all taxpayers over 70  to contribute money from their IRA to a charity without having to recognize the distribution as taxable income. (There is a yearly limit, and for 2025 the maximum amount is $108,000.)

However, the IRS has a very specific rule that states in no uncertain terms that the donation from the IRA must be made directly to a qualified charitable organization, such as a yeshivah or any other valid tzedakah organization, but cannot be made to a DAF. I always tell these senior citizens to keep on giving, take a regular tax deduction, and add an extra “zechus” to their chart!

Yisroel Blumenfrucht

Professor of Accounting

Queens College and ACE Seminars

More on DAFs [Smarter Giving / Issue 1076]

Thank you for your recent article about donor-advised funds. It’s so important to get this information publicized so more people can benefit from it.

I would like to add two points:

1) The article said that DAFs aren’t worth it if you don’t itemize. I say just the opposite — for people who don’t itemize, this is the only way to get a tax benefit for charitable giving, by reducing the future tax liability on your holdings.

2) I believe DAFs can also be used for short-term holdings. Although you don’t get the full current-value deduction (just the cost basis), if there’s a short-term holding you want to unload, this way you at least don’t have to pay taxes on the gains.

SMB

Just as Guilty [Double Take-Uniform Upgrade / Issue 1076]

Here’s my take on this story. The person who ran the basement store was doing a chesed by keeping the prices down. The only way she could do that was by keeping it simple.

The mother who started the uniform store was right to do so.  Her daughter who wore a plus-size was inadvertently humiliated in the bare-bones basement uniform store.

But, if the mother would have opened a store that would have provided an environment of calm and order and a degree of comfort with private appointments, she would have provided a real service everyone would have appreciated.

However, that’s not what she did.  She provided what can only be described as a luxury school uniform.  Families with multiple girls, and those on a limited income, couldn’t afford to shop in her store due to the high prices.

Teenage peer pressure to conform is very compelling, and those girls who can’t shop in her store will feel as humiliated as her daughter did in the basement shop because they can’t have what their chevreh has. The luxurious nature of her shop created a problem where there was none before. It defeats the very idea of what school uniforms are meant to accomplish.

She should have been more thoughtful.

SJS

A Qualitative Difference [Double Take-Uniform Upgrade / Issue 1076]

I quite literally did a double take when reading the column. You see, I’m the founder of the real-life “Plaid & Pleats” described in the article.

I understand all the arguments mentioned, but must say that one major factor was omitted from the article: Quality, quality, quality.

Yes, there is a huge difference between the quality of a $43 skirt, and the quality of a $99 skirt. The expensive skirt can literally be handed down from sibling to sibling, or from friend to friend. It is a lasting piece. It never needs ironing and never needs to be sent to the cleaners.

And yes, when you’re a store charging premium pricing, you need to offer service. Service comes in the form of a sofa for the mom to sit on, a friendly approach to each customer, and a true sense of appreciation to every customer who walks into the store. Because a business without customers is not a business.

And as far as the huskier girls, it’s the greatest joy to be able to dress those who would otherwise be wearing a patched up, mash-up of a uniform. A boutique uniform store has the ability to offer custom uniforms in any number of inches, be it the width, the length, or any other custom requests.

Is there a price tag for it? You bet.

But is it just a fad? Most certainly not.

We don’t expect to service everyone. Quite the contrary, for those who are good with the cheaper brands, that’s wonderful.

But for those who can afford quality uniforms, or for those who have made the calculations that they’d rather invest in everlasting uniform pieces over constant repleating and pressing, there should certainly be an option.

Sarah Weissmandl 

Uniform Plus

Parental Responsibility [Double Take-Uniform Upgrade / Issue 1076]

Reading this article brought back memories of a shopping excursion many years ago with my then-teenage daughter. Responding to her excitement about the endless options of cute clothing and accessories, I told her that if I bought everything I thought was cute, I wouldn’t have a penny to my name.

There will always be the option for a nicer dress, pair of shoes, handbag, sheitel, house, vacation, etc., etc.  And there will always be families that have more money for these perks. But we owe it to our children to teach them financial responsibility and the importance of keeping a budget. We can’t place the blame on the proprietors of high-end businesses for offering items we can’t really afford.

Name Withheld

Black Magic Isn’t Jewish [Pickle Boy to the Rescue / Issue 1075]

There was a passage in the article that gave me pause. The author writes that he doesn’t use the word “superhero” because it doesn’t seem like a Jewish concept. The paragraph then continues: “There’s no ‘magic’ in these stories that isn’t mirrored by feats of strength in Tanach — Shimshon, for example — or acts of kishuf we read about in the Torah.”

Placed together, it almost reads as if kishuf is somehow being described as a “Jewish concept,” chas v’shalom. I imagine this was not the author’s intent and was simply an oversight in phrasing, but I felt it important to respectfully bring it to your attention.

Thank you for your time and for the tremendous effort that goes into ensuring the Torah hashkafos presented in the magazine.

Zalman Levin

Back to Basics [Overlooked Oasis / Issue 1074]

Emmy Zitter’s feature on Mitzpeh Yericho was a wonderful read, especially the tribute to Aviad Noyman Hashem yikom damo, whose daughter is in my niece’s class, and whose shivah I attended.

As my wife’s siblings live in Mitzpeh Yericho, I’d like to give readers a glimpe of the yishuv’s beating heart and soul: its chinuch.

Allow me to share some of what I’ve learned about this Torani, religious Zionist yishuv. By the end of third grade, the students in the local Talmud Torah have learned all of Chumash and most of Nevi’im Rishonim. By the end of sixth grade, they have learned all of Moed and Nezikin, and some of Nashim, in Mishnah. The local yeshivah high school, which also offers a serious secular education, learns 1,000 blatt Gemara by the end of 12th grade!

Yes, there is certainly a deep value attached to army service, but it is as an expression of Torah and avodas Hashem, which come first.

And that is only what is in school. Outside of school, there is an afternoon Talmud Torah, Tehillim groups for kids multiple times a week, and youth groups for boys and girls, alongside a whole slew of recreational extracurriculars such as sports, judo, music, animal care, outdoor/nature skill building, and more.

The chinuch isn’t limited to Torah, but extends to gemilus chasadim in a strong way as well. The values of achrayus to the klal and giving one’s time and resources are frequently present, both in formal educational settings and extracurricular ones. In fact, there are two extra monthly charges incorporated into the municipal taxes to fund tzedakah for needy families and meals/support for families going through temporary times of difficulty (illness, miluiim, pregnancy loss, chas v’shalom, etc.).

I cannot recommend Mitzpeh Yericho highly enough, so much so that my family will be moving there soon b’ezras Hashem. If such a community speaks to you, we would be thrilled to host you in our guest apartment.

Chaim Goldberg
Har Nof, Israel

Floaties Aren’t Failsafe [Protecting What We Love Most / Issue 1072]

This new child safety initiative is so incredibly important! As a pediatrician and Mom and Bubbie, I did want to correct a misconception.

Sarena Cohen recalls the terrifying time her daughter almost drowned, ending the story with her new rules: “ No one goes into the pool without a buddy, ever. No young child takes off his floaties, EVER.”

It’s important to note that effective swim safety requires multiple layers of protection. While there is a small collection of safety tips in the article, the emphasis on floaties in this story is misleading.

While the story doesn’t specify this, one of the most important tips is active constant supervision. Any child in the water who does not know how to swim needs to be within an arm’s length of the person supervising them.

Floaties are not a substitute for supervision! In fact, they can actually increase the risk of drowning by providing a false sense of security, and keeping the child in the upright, “ drowning position,” as opposed to the floating position.

I’m also going to underscore one of the tips: Teach your child to swim!

Davening for the health and safety for all of our children,

Alisa Minkin, MD

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1078)