Soon everyone had taken their places and was complimenting Mom on her delicious food.

“Shayna.” Ari turned to his wife as he spooned mashed potatoes onto his plate. “I was just telling Dad and Tzvi about how you managed to convince your boss to give you a paid mental health day.”

Shayna giggled. “It was important! We had to go buy new linens, and all the stores close by the time I get home. No linens, no sleep. Without sleep I can’t work and then we both lose money. It’s simple math.”

Tzvi howled with laughter, but Esti clenched her teeth. To her, it sounded like Shayna had zero work ethic at best — or was straight-up lazy. Esti traveled in to work every day, and there were policies in place for time off. You need new linens? You take care of it on personal time.

After the meal, Esti cleared the plates and said goodnight to Shimmy. She gave Shayna a hug as she and Ari said their goodnights and left. Finally, she and Tzvi were alone in the kitchen with Mom, who was rinsing the dishes.

Tzvi cleared his throat, and started talking, the inflection of his voice rising with excitement.

“Ma, Esti and I have something we want to share with you.”

Mom turned and spotted Esti’s hand resting on her stomach. Her eyes widened as she took it in.

“Oh, my goodness I can’t believe it!”  Mom rolled up her wet sleeves and threw her arms over Esti. It was the human contact that was missing when she’d told her parents down in Houston. Esti let herself settle into the hug, sinking into its warmth. She was so full, she was overflowing.

“I knew about Shayna,” Mom said, still holding Esti close, “but this is a double whammy! I’m so excited for the both of you.”

Esti pulled back. Shayna?

Her feet felt uneven, she was tripping over her own overflow.

“Shayna?”

“Oh goodness!” Mom slapped her forehead. “Please don’t say anything. But isn’t this so special! Hodu L’Hashem!”

Esti placed her hand on the glass island tabletop for balance. Across from her, Tzvi shifted uncomfortably.

Esti wished she could put on a ski mask and gloves and steal back the announcement that was theirs. This was supposed to be her moment! Shayna hadn’t just stolen Esti’s thunder — she took the lightning and the rain and the blustery winds. Shayna was a hurricane.

Resentment shot through her. Esti tried to quell it, tried to muster up the happiness she should be feeling for her sister-in-law, but a large boulder had rolled across her chest, barricading any flow of simchah.

“This is such a cute time for the both of you.” Mom was oblivious to Esti’s discomfort.

Yes. Cute.

“You know, maybe you can help Shayna out, she’s been so tired and so nauseous. She keeps telling me how she’s throwing up her prenatals. I’m going to come with her to her next appointment, but I know she looks up to you, and I think some sisterly support is just what she needs.”

The bile in Esti’s throat returned. Rising, rising. When was Mom going to ask about how Esti was feeling?

“Wow, baruch Hashem for simchahs.” Mom clapped her hands. “I can’t wait to tell Tatty. He’s putting Shimmy to bed. They’re missing all the excitement!”

That was it. Tzvi and Esti stuck around a few more minutes, but Tzvi’s father didn’t come down and Mom didn’t offer anything else. Esti’s cheeks burned scarlet as she tried furiously to scrub off the shame of her second-place confession. But all she got was sauce stuck under her fingernails and the smell of watered-down chicken clogging her nose and forcing the bile to rise even higher.

E

sti slammed the door behind her and trudged to the couch. What a day.

She reached for her laptop to distract herself. By the time Tzvi arrived home, music was blaring through the speakers, and she didn’t notice him.

“Uh oh, are you upset?” Tzvi asked, coming to sit beside her.

“Hey,” Esti angled the screen so he could see. “I can’t watch the Henei Ma Tov video for my own enjoyment?” But of course, she never watched the Miami Alumni choir unless she was upset. It was eerie, the way Tzvi had hacked into her internal programming and downloaded all her files within the year.

Tzvi gave her a sympathetic look and leaned into a couch cushion.

“Did Yerachmiel Begun come onstage already? I want to hear about whatever it is, but I can’t have you miss your favorite part.”

“Tzvi, it’s a bunch of grown men singing and dancing like the fourteen-year-old boys they once were. The whole video is my favorite part.”

Tzvi laughed.

When the video ended, Esti shut her laptop and leaned back. She closed her eyes, saying nothing.

“Um, Es?”

“I’m fine.” Esti said, eyes still closed.

“No, I believe you.” Tzvi tight roped around his words. “It’s just — you seem a little tense?”

Esti shifted in her seat. “It’s just a little hard with Shayna,” she said. “I told you your mother was taking us both to the city because she heard about this great maternity store. Of course, Shayna decided she knew exactly where to go, and she schlepped us ten blocks in the wrong direction. This was with Google maps.” Esti shuddered. “Finally, I was just like, hey, I’m going this way, and I got us there within five minutes. This is literally the city, it’s hard to get lost. And Shayna’s lived here her whole life. She was supposed to find a good lunch place, but of course I had to help her with that also.”

“Oh, wow,” Tzvi started.

But Esti wasn’t finished. “She does this often. She relies heavily on other people. And your mother just laps it up. It was just so like Shayna… pulling one of her classic Shayna… stunts!” Esti unexpectantly puffed out the last sentence like a fire-breathing dragon.

Tzvi played with his tzitzis. “Classic Shayna — the stuntster-in-law.”

“Not funny.” Esti felt sick. Tzvi was taking this so lightly. Was she going overboard?

“Hey, hey, look at me, Esti, I’m on your side,” Tzvi said, turning to look at her.

“I’m not really feeling that right now.”

“Esti, I’m sorry today didn’t go as planned. But it’s a small bump. I’m sure my mother really appreciates you taking Shayna under your wing. You’re just so accomplished, I’m sure Shayna looks up to you.”

“Okay,” Esti said, because there was really nothing else to say. Tzvi was sweet, but he clearly didn’t get it. Why would Shayna need Esti to take her under her wing? Why was Tzvi’s mother so attentive to Shayna — who had a mother nearby!  — while she let Esti fend for herself. Did Mom not like her?

Esti took another deep breath and then stood up. “You ready for supper?”

E

sti felt the counter buzz as she packed lunches for Tzvi and herself.

“Phone,” she said, pushing Tzvi’s phone across the counter to where he was preparing his coffee.

“At this hour?”

Esti shrugged.

“It’s Ari,” Tzvi mouthed as Esti held in an eye roll.

Esti stared out the window. The first snowfall had abandoned its magical frosty wonder and left skid marks and icy sidewalks in its wake. It took Tzvi several tries to free their Toyota Corolla from its thick, cold, fingertip-numbing incarceration. At least the trees still shimmered like a fairytale. It had been some time since Shira’s latest stunt, as she and Tzvi had begun calling them, but Esti still had not calmed down. The girl was just too much.

“Oh, wow, Ari, that sounds serious.” Esti turned to look at Tzvi. His face had grown somber, and he abandoned his coffee mug. “I’ll ask her. Maybe she can take some time off. We’re definitely here to help with anything. Yeah, I’ll let her know and get back to you. Okay. Bye.”

“Everything okay?” Esti wanted to scold Tzvi for offering up her assistance unprompted, but a glance at her husband told her it wasn’t the right time.

“Look, Es, Ari just told me Shayna’s a bit hysterical. He’s sick with the flu, and Shayna has an important appointment tomorrow. Her baby is measuring small, and the doctor wants to do a full workup. Apparently, Shayna’s done some googling, and she doesn’t want to go alone.”

“Ooof. Bad idea.” Esti remembered googling something during her first few weeks of pregnancy. All sites and signs pointed to death by spontaneous combustion.

“Yeah, she’s really nervous. And now Ari can’t go to the appointment. He was wondering if you’d be up to it. He doesn’t want her to do this alone.”

Esti reached for her coffee and took a long sip. Poor Shayna, but she had a lot of people to turn to. Why did she need Esti?

“Well, she should reach out to your mother,” Esti said, icy enough for Tzvi to slip on. ‘Didn’t she promise to help with all her appointments?”

Tzvi looked at her. “Should I tell Ari you’ll go to the appointment?” he asked. “It’s tomorrow morning, and he sounded a little frantic.”

Esti considered. Tzvi looked so hopeful. He would jump over buildings for his brother; shouldn’t she be willing to do the same for Shayna?

“Okay,” Esti said reluctantly.

“Thank you.” Tzvi said, already dialing Ari’s cell. “Ari? Yeah, Esti’s in.”

T

he next morning, Esti focused on the road, driving slowly. After all, she was driving for four.

As much as she resented doing this — why couldn’t Shayna go to the doctor by herself, or with her mother? — Esti did feel a twinge of guilt. Shouldn’t she be sensitive to Shayna’s needs? What if something was wrong with her baby?

“I’m sorry to drag you along, Esti, but I really appreciate you coming to my appointment with me,” Shayna said suddenly.

“Pleasure.” Esti hoped she sounded sincere.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Shayna fiddle with her crossbody; she was clearly nervous.

“Have you been thinking about baby names yet?” Shayna asked.

“Tzvi doesn’t like to go there. He thinks it’s an ayin hara.”

“Ari and I can’t stop talking about baby names. I think it’s what’s getting us through this… well anyway, for a girl, we were thinking of naming it after my late grandmother. You know, because it would be my turn. And I love the name Elisheva.”

“It is a nice name,” Esti agreed.

“And I haven’t told Ari this, but I thought I would name him after Ari’s grandfather for a boy. He just means so much to the family; I’d be willing to forfeit my turn. It would make him so happy.”

Esti gritted her teeth, and her gloved hands gripped the wheel. “That’s nice,” was all she could muster, and it remained the last thing she said on their way into Dr. Nabatian’s office.

When they got there, Shayna shadowed Esti towards the front desk. Did she not know how to sign herself in?

After they checked in, they took seats on the gray reception chairs. Esti clenched both armrests, still annoyed.

Shayna had everything, a great husband, a good job, her mother nearby, a mother-in-law who doted on her. She had every resource imaginable. So why did she act like she didn’t know how to raise her own manicured finger?

“Mrs. Braun?” both Esti and Shayna looked up.

“Room 3.”

They entered the room and Shayna sat on the exam table. Esti took the chair on the side and looked at her sister-in-law.

Shayna’s face was pale, and she kept twisting her wedding band around and around. “Listen, Esti, I just want to tell you how much this means to me. Seriously. I know I could probably do this on my own, but I’m just so nervous.

“I didn’t even tell my mother about this, I’m so scared. I didn’t want to tell anyone, but now Ari’s sick, and I knew I couldn’t do this appointment alone. I’m so afraid, you know, if something goes wrong with the baby.” Shayna’s voice splintered; tears sprang to her eyes.

Esti nodded, not quite sure what to say.

The doctor came in then, holding Shayna’s chart. Shayna shifted uncomfortably as Esti tried to read his face. He cleared his throat.

“So, the baby is measuring smaller than expected for gestational age,” he said gently.

Esti looked at Shayna. Her eyes were wide, and she looked lost.

“What does that mean, exactly?” Esti asked. Shayna seemed frozen in place, and in that moment Esti felt pity for her sister-in-law, who was obviously frightened.

Suddenly, Esti was happy to be there. This was something she was good at, remaining calm, asking the right questions. She could do this.

Dr. Nabatian leaned on the counter. “Listen, it’s too early to make any predictions, and I wouldn’t want you jumping to conclusions.” He performed a few scans and looked at Shayna. “The important thing is that the baby’s heart rate is within normal range. That’s good. It’s a great sign. Actually, you have many signs of viability. Still, we will need to monitor the baby’s growth more closely. We spoke about this at your last appointment.”

Shayna nodded, but her stare was glassy and far off.

“I knew something was off,” she whispered. “Was this because I kept throwing up my prenatals?”

“You can’t think like that,” Dr. Nabatian chided. “You did everything you were supposed to do, and everything looks okay — this is just something we need to keep an eye on.”

“What’s the next step for Shayna?” Esti interjected.

“We’ll do another ultrasound in about ten days. Hopefully, the baby will continue growing appropriately. If not—” Dr. Nabatian said gently, “then we’ll have to discuss our options.”

Shayna stirred at this, and Esti smiled sympathetically.

“So we just have to wait.”

Dr. Nabatian nodded, and Esti saw Shayna’s eyes fill.

Esti leaned forward, hitching her voice. “Is there anything Shayna should do until the next appointment?”

“Try to relax, take your vitamins, stay hydrated, and rest up. Remember, you didn’t cause this, don’t put any unwarranted pressure on yourself.”

Dr. Nabatian left the room, and Esti turned to Shayna.

“You were great,” she said softly.

“I was going to say the same thing to you.” Shayna smiled.

“How are you feeling about all this?”

Shayna’s smile disappeared. “I’m a little scared. But I’m going to listen to the doctor and hope for the best.”

They left without talking.

“Thank you so much for being there, really,” Shayna said, once they were in the car. “I can’t tell you what it means to me.”

Esti waved it off. “My pleasure, really. If you need me to come to the next appointment, let me know, no problem.”

She drove Shayna to her apartment, feeling suddenly protective.

“What’s your schedule today?”

“Dr. Nabatian told me to take it easy. But I’m so high-strung right now, I wish there was a way I could just unwind a little.”

“Well, why don’t you and Ari come for a meal on Shabbos,” Esti said. “And,” she almost giggled, “if you want to just sit and be thoroughly entertained, have I got the music video for you.”

“Good Shabbos!” Shayna pulled Esti into a one-armed hug, and Esti nearly dropped the foil-wrapped platter she was holding.

Tzvi sidestepped the two of them to reach his brother.

“I’m so happy you guys are here!” Shayna trilled. “It’s so exciting to finally host you for a meal.”

Esti smiled. Shayna and Ari had been married almost a year, and Esti had hosted them a few times. This was the first time the invitation had been reciprocated. Esti had always wondered what Shayna’s Shabbos table looked like. She peeked into the dining room and her eyes widened.

The oblong table was set beautifully, covered with glittering silver chargers that matched the rim of the porcelain dishes; the monogramed challah cover they’d bought as a gift was on full display. Esti wasn’t sure what she’d expected, but not this. Shayna had a flair.

Tzvi walked into the room, finishing up asher yatzar. “Your bathroom looks great, guys. Love the towels,” he said, winking at Esti. Everyone laughed.

It was a fun meal. The conversation flowed, and Esti enjoyed helping Shayna in the kitchen, where her sister-in-law was a whiz at plating food.

“Thank you so much for making dessert,” Shayna said, taking out mini dessert bowls. “These double fudge brownies are going to go great with ice cream.”

“Honestly, Shayna, you really don’t need my help. Your food was so delicious, I don’t think anyone has room for my brownies.”

Shayna laughed. “Mom really gets the credit; she made most of the food.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s hard to cook when you’re expecting, of course. So I take stuff from my mother each week, and from Mom, too. At this stage, we need to be taken care of — you know what I mean.”

Shayna playfully jabbed Esti, but Esti twisted away and cut the brownies with a vengeance. No, she did not know what Shayna meant. Esti cooked all her Shabbos meals. She had since she’d gotten married.

Esti slunk back to the table with her brownies. Her body was shaking. She dug her bracelet into her palm.

“Mmm, Esti, those look delicious,” Ari said reaching for a brownie.

But she couldn’t enjoy the compliment.

“Mommy?” Esti felt a sudden burst of homesickness, and she gripped the phone a little too hard, like if she didn’t hold tight her mother would slip away.

“Esti! So good to hear your voice! You have no idea what’s going on here. Daddy came home from work with a bird silo, one of his crazy ideas. He thinks to cure empty nest syndrome you have to let a few birds in. He’s been up on the ladder by the tree all afternoon…  looks like I’ve already caught a cuckoo bird.”

Esti leaned back in her chair, smiling.

“Chaim couldn’t talk him down?”

“Oh, everyone tried. Ever since you left, Daddy has been revamping things to fill the hole. Buying plants I know I’m going to end up watering.”

“Why not a cactus? They hardly need water.”

“Brilliant, Esti, let me tell him. In the meantime, how are you feeling? How’s Tzvi? How’s work?

Suddenly Esti’s eyes burned and tears cascaded down her nose. She tried to regain composure, but nausea threatened her. She was tired of pretending she was okay. Tired of feeling bloated and dizzy. Tired of her symptoms getting pushed to the side simply because she knew how to deal with them.

“Oh, honey, is everything okay?” her mother asked. “I wish you were closer, and I could do more for you. I wish I could come shopping with you, make dinners, cook Shabbos for you. You know I plan to do that once the baby is born, b’ezras Hashem.”

Esti exhaled. “Thank you. I know I have Tzvi, and he’s fantastic. But—” Tears threatened again; she couldn’t talk.

“Of course,” her mother said soothingly. “It’s hard.”

Esti wiped her eyes and opened her mouth when Tzvi came rushing into the room.

“Grab a Tehillim,” he said. “I just got off the phone with my mother. Shayna’s having an emergency C-section.”

“I’m running to Pomegranate,” Esti said, grabbing her car keys and her grocery list. “Do you need anything?”

Tzvi shook his head.

At the store, Esti grabbed an adrift grocery cart and started in the produce section. As she tore a bag off the shelf and added two ripe avocados for a London broil salad, Esti heard a familiar voice.

“Fancy meeting you here.”

Esti turned to see her mother-in-law holding an avocado in her hand. Her cart was brimming.

“Wow, Mom, are you feeding all the starving children in Africa?”

Mom laughed. “This is for Shayna and Ari. She’s still at her mother’s house, but I thought I’d prepare a few meals for when they get home.”

Of course.

Would she receive the same attention when her baby was born? But maybe it wouldn’t matter once her mother got there.

“That’s so thoughtful of you,” Esti said carefully. She leaned against the avocado bin and tried to muster a smile.

“Well, of course. The invitation is open to all my children. Not that you need it.” Mom winked.

“What does that mean?” Esti blurted.

“Well, you’re so self-sufficient, Esti, you never need my help. You always tell me you can handle it, and you always do, and so well. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, with your mother-in-law constantly hovering.”

Esti blinked. What was Mom saying?

Her mother-in-law smiled. “But I’m always here for anything,” she said, pulling her daughter-in-law into a hug.

Then she stepped back and moved on to the cucumbers, leaving Esti a little dazed.

“Can you get a paci?” Esti asked, reaching into the Doona where her month-old baby was screaming. 

Tzvi came rushing over.

“Phew, all in a day’s work,” he said, sticking it into the baby’s mouth. “All ready to go?”

“Except for diapers. We’re running low. I think we need to stop off on the way to your parents.”

“Oy, it’s really out of the way.”

“We don’t have a choice, do we?” Esti said. She wheeled the baby out to the car and waited while Tzvi clicked him in. They didn’t have a choice. They couldn’t be without diapers. At least they were going away for Shabbos; the baby was a handful, and Esti could use an extra hand.

She got into the car, where Tzvi was programming the store into the car’s map. In her head, she suddenly saw her mother-in-law in the produce aisle: I’m always happy to help.

Esti hesitated. She hated feeling not in control. Who was she if she didn’t have enough diapers for her baby?

She buckled herself in, still considering. “The invitation is open. I don’t want to be hovering.”

“No need to add a stop,” she said determinedly as Tzvi pulled into the street. “I’m sure your mother has diapers.”

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 949)