The need for medical shidduchim to be orchestrated by knowledgeable and experienced shadchanim

I was very happy to read the article focused on helping our medically compromised young adults who are embarking on their personal dating journey (“Splitting a Stormy Sea,” Issue 1045). Dating is challenging enough without adding more issues into the mix, and I empathize with children and parents who are going through this particular roller coaster ride.

As a shadchan who has had the privilege of working with many people, I myself have become frustrated after seeing young men and women rejected time after time when they disclose a medical situation after a few dates. Sadly, medical situations are part of life and do not make exceptions for those who are of marriageable age.

I have had the pleasure of speaking with members of the Kesher Networks team and Rabbi Chaim Landau from Bonei Olam about the need for medical shidduchim to be orchestrated by knowledgeable and experienced shadchanim. It can frequently be a challenge to find appropriate matches for these candidates due to the reluctance of many in our community to disclose their medical situations. If they were aware of this confidential and professional service, that reluctance would likely fade away. But the need is greater than one would imagine, and articles and ads alone will not generate a big enough pool of dating candidates for each and every one of Kesher Networks’ registrants.

All too often, I experience the following scenario: I receive a call from an unidentified number. An anonymous parent is on the phone sounding agitated and flustered. Her son or daughter has been in shidduchim for some time and continually gets rejected after disclosing a medical issue after a certain number of dates. Such parents have no address to turn to and do not know what to do next. Shadchanim like myself find ourselves in this situation all the time, and our hands are often tied, due to lack of knowledge of other individuals who would fit a particular issue.

However, with the advent of Kesher Networks, I’d like to suggest they partner with shadchanim, parents, and rabbanim to give practical help to our children. I would also like to know how parents in our community feel about the following: We are currently working on implementing a project together with Torah Umesorah, Rabbi Yaakov Bender, Rabbi Chaim Yehoshua Hoberman, Rabbi Elya Brudny, and other roshei yeshivah.

Imagine if applicable high school and beis medrash students and parents had the opportunity to fill out basic questionnaires in 12th grade or beis medrash and sign up confidentially to Kesher Networks before embarking on their seminary and beis medrash years. After they sign up, Kesher Networks could provide them information and support in the ensuing years, and answer their questions. This would give families peace of mind before they are actually “in the parshah,” regardless of which route they want to pursue in shidduchim.

With the applicant’s permission, Kesher Networks staff, with their medical expertise, would look into various conditions that may need specific and individual research. As one “in the trenches” speaking on behalf of my fellow shadchanim, I believe this could save a tremendous amount of time and heartache for all.

In closing, we fervently wish all our young men and women and their families much success in finding their basherts in whichever way they are guided by daas Torah. The Kesher Networks infrastructure would be an invaluable tool to support those in need of guidance, advice, and shidduch ideas. We can’t accomplish this without your help and your opinion, so please let us know how you feel.

Rabbi Meir Levi is an experienced shadchan specializing in the younger learning circles. He lives with his family in Lakewood.

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1048)