If we want to save this generation, we must teach them how to endure, struggle, and persevere

I

t’s late at night when I get a frantic call from a father. His son, Avi, has been skipping yeshivah for weeks. Avi spends hours in his room, gaming, or sitting on the couch downstairs.

“We’ve tried everything,” the father says, his voice breaking. “He is refusing to do anything meaningful anymore. Do you think he’s depressed?”

The next morning, I meet Avi. He’s not visibly distressed, nor does he exhibit signs of clinical depression. He’s articulate, aware, and even admits that he’s stuck in a rut.

“I know I should get up,” he says. “I just… don’t feel like it. I can’t be bothered to learn or go out in the cold.”

Later, as I explain to his parents that Avi doesn’t have a clinical diagnosis, relief washes over their faces — until I explain what is really going on.

Avi is part of a generation that has grown up in a world of instant gratification, in which the idea of effort has become almost alien. I call it CBB — “Can’t Be Bothered disorder.” It’s not an official diagnosis, but it might as well be. It’s a mindset, a way of thinking, that’s devastating our children’s ability to grow, thrive, and connect with the most fulfilling parts of life.

As a psychotherapist and founder of a teen support line in the UK, I hear from teens every day who are struggling to cope with even minor challenges. Whether it’s pressure at school, difficulty with friendships, or navigating their spiritual lives, the refrain is often the same: I can’t deal with this. It’s too hard. It’s boring. These aren’t cases of severe mental illness; they’re young people overwhelmed by the basic discomforts of life.

And sadly, as parents, we’re often part of the problem.

The Problem with Instant Gratification

We live in a society where anything we want is just a click away. Hungry? Order food and it’s delivered in minutes. Bored? Phone a friend or swipe through people’s WhatsApp statuses. Shopping? Packages arrive the same day. Technology has removed the natural pauses in life — the waiting, the striving, the anticipation.

At first glance, this seems like progress. Isn’t it wonderful that we’ve made life so convenient? But the reality is far more sinister. Instant gratification is reshaping the way our brains function, particularly in young people. When rewards are immediate and effortless, the brain releases dopamine, the “feel-good” chemical, which reinforces the behavior and creates a feedback loop that prioritizes short-term pleasure over long-term goals. Over time, this rewiring diminishes our ability to tolerate discomfort or delay gratification, essential skills for emotional resilience and personal growth.

This process feeds into a growing epidemic: ADHD. According to many experts, our children’s inability to focus, persevere, or sit with discomfort is directly tied to their diet of instant gratification. The constant bombardment of stimuli — notifications, entertainment, and instant access to everything — has rewired their brains, making it harder for them to concentrate or persist with tasks that don’t offer immediate rewards.

This mindset is also at the heart of CBB disorder. Can’t Be Bothered isn’t just about laziness; it’s a learned response to discomfort. Faced with even the slightest challenge, many young people default to avoidance because their brains have been conditioned to expect immediate relief. The result? They’re unable to engage with the hard work required for growth, whether it’s tackling a difficult assignment, building strong relationships, or deepening their connection to Yiddishkeit.

In Yiddishkeit, effort isn’t just a value; it’s the essence of life. The Torah tells us, Adam l’amal yulad — man was created to toil. Everything truly meaningful requires hard work and patience. Torah learning isn’t mastered overnight. Personal growth takes years of introspection and perseverance. Marriage, parenting, and friendships all demand consistent effort and sacrifice.

Comfort through Discomfort

Here’s the solution: Parents and educators must stop rescuing their children and students from discomfort. If we want to save this generation, we must teach them how to endure, struggle, and persevere. This means making discomfort a normal part of life.

Start by saying no. Don’t ply your children with everything they ask for, whether it’s the latest gadget, a ride when they can walk, or bailing them out of a task they find boring or hard. Stop rushing to defend them when they fail to meet their responsibilities. If your children don’t do their homework, let them face the consequences at school. If they don’t clean up after themselves, let them experience the discomfort of living in a mess.

One step toward reversing this trend is limiting our children’s exposure to technology. While it’s unrealistic to eliminate it entirely, setting boundaries around screen time and encouraging periods of unplugged activity can help rebuild their ability to focus, persevere, and engage meaningfully with the world around them. Encourage activities that require patience and sustained attention, such as reading, puzzles, or learning a new skill, to help them rediscover the value of working through challenges.

When your child says, “It’s too hard,” resist the urge to let him off the hook. Instead, stand firm and guide him through the struggle. Help him see that effort is a reward in itself. Show him what it means to work through discomfort and experience the satisfaction of accomplishment.

Children need to grapple with the challenge of solving a difficult math problem and learn to shvitz over a complex Rashi in the Gemara. As educators, are we prioritizing making everything easy and entertaining at the expense of fostering perseverance and allowing students to experience the deep satisfaction — the sipuk — that comes from hard-earned accomplishment?

The Role of Effort in Therapy

As a psychotherapist, I’ve worked with countless young people facing emotional challenges, from the minor to the life-altering. Time and again, I’ve found that the greatest barrier to progress isn’t the size of the problem but the individual’s willingness to engage with the tools therapy offers. Therapy isn’t magic. It requires effort, introspection, and the courage to confront uncomfortable truths.

Yet in an age of instant solutions, many teens struggle with the patience and determination needed for real change. They expect immediate results and grow frustrated when progress feels slow or challenging. When therapy starts to feel like hard work, they disengage, abandoning the process before they’ve even given it a chance.

This mindset often leaves parents scrambling for the latest “guaranteed” quick-fix solution in an increasingly dishonest world of mental health. But true healing doesn’t come from shortcuts — it comes from the willingness to persevere, dig deep, and embrace the effort needed for real transformation. Therapy, like life, rewards those who are ready to commit to the process.

If you’re a parent reading this, ask yourself: Am I helping my child learn to deal with discomfort, or am I shielding them from it? Am I teaching them that life’s greatest rewards come from effort and perseverance, or am I giving them the impression that everything should come easily?

Let’s remind our children that discomfort isn’t something to run from — it’s a sign they’re on the path to growth. Let’s set limits on technology, encourage meaningful engagement with life’s challenges, and model perseverance in our own lives.

This is how we break the cycle of CBB disorder. This is how we give our children the tools to navigate life’s challenges and reclaim their lives, their purpose, and their future.

Rabbi Yaakov Barr is a psychotherapist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy and a clinical supervisor working in private practice in London. He lectures in mental health awareness and is the founder of Jteen, an emotional health text helpline for teens in the UK and Belgium.

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1045)