When does an obsession become an addiction?

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ddiction refers to a compulsive coping mechanism that can both help and harm us. Addictions (think: sugar, coffee, pain relievers, shopping, eating, following the news, drinking alcoholic beverages, etc.) help by lifting mood and lowering pain. A quick snack, for example, can provide a hit of dopamine, a boost of energy, and a pleasant distraction from stress. Similarly, a few minutes of scrolling for online deals can harness our focusing and joyful chemicals and gives us a break from tedious tasks.

Frequently — even obsessively — utilizing a substance or engaging in a behavior that makes us feel good does not, in itself, constitute an addiction. Other criteria have to be met in order for normal foods, beverages, drugs, and activities to become addictions. Here are some of the things that need to happen to transform an ordinary, if obsessive activity, into an actual addiction:

Whatever it is that you’re consuming or doing, over time you find yourself consuming or doing it more and more.

You’d like to cut back or stop altogether and you might for a while, but you find yourself starting to consume or do it again. You can’t seem to cut it out of your life.

The reason you want to cut back or stop is because you’re experiencing negative consequences from this activity. Nonetheless, you continue consuming or doing it, even though you’re aware that it’s causing you harm in some way.

If you push through everything and manage to stop consuming or doing the addictive substance or behavior, you suffer uncomfortable “withdrawal” symptoms like high anxiety, low mood, irritability, cravings, and bodily discomfort.

In Real Time

Let’s look at how spending time on one’s phone can be either a normal activity or an addiction. When using it is a normal activity, your behavior looks something like this:

You use the phone for a limited amount of time for business and personal needs after the kids have gone to bed.

You use it sometimes during the day when you need it for business or shopping or to communicate with family or friends, but not when family members are around.

Here’s how your phone becomes an addictive substance:

At first, you only use it when the kids have gone to bed.

Eventually, you use it in the morning, afternoon, evening, and in bed at night.

Your spouse is complaining that, “You’re always on your phone” and not emotionally available.

Seeing the fallout, you try to cut down, but then find you just can’t.

Seeing that partial measures aren’t working for you, you resolve to give up the device altogether. However, giving it up makes you feel anxious, depressed, empty, and irritable.

Here’s one more example of a normal behavior gone wrong:

Rochel has two jobs: She’s a Jewish homemaker and a freelance editor. Both jobs are demanding and stress her out. Rochel likes to read novels from time to time to relax and unwind. Lately, however, her reading activity has become obsessive. She’s always thinking about when she can take a reading break, and in fact, she ends up taking more of them than she should.

Eventually, she notices that she’s reading when she should be making dinner and that she’s often making excuses about why dinner isn’t ready for her hungry crew. Rochel also finds that she’s lying to her husband about her activities. She doesn’t pick up the phone when she’s reading, so he thinks she’s busy working. She happily plays along with this notion.

Rochel recognizes that she’s spending too much time thinking about what she’ll read next, shopping for new books and reading them, and she vows to stop. But she doesn’t.

Anyone can fall into an addictive relationship with a substance or activity because everyone seeks to stabilize their minute-to-minute mood throughout each day. Intentionally creating a lifestyle that naturally manages mood helps prevent the development of addictive behavior. Doing this involves learning how to ride the waves of emotion (sometimes with the help of therapy), including healthy stress management strategies in one’s daily schedule, exercising, eating and sleeping properly, strengthening spiritual practices, developing supportive relationships, and engaging in meaningful and satisfying activities.

The payoff is feeling good without having to pay the price of feeling bad in order to get there.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 924)