Is sheltering kids the ideal — or misguided? Ten women share their take

Sheltering your kids is… not forever, but ideal for as long as it lasts.

The world is coming for our kids, but there is no need to hasten its arrival. So much out there is the antithesis of our hashkafos. Feminism, alternative agendas… I know my kids will be exposed to these ideas eventually. But I want them to have a strong and pure bedrock for as long as I can help it. That’s why I make every effort to keep them completely cut off from anything secular, even the news. Hopefully, when these ideas enter their orbit, the kids will be solid enough to filter and reject appropriately.

—Rechie

Sheltering your kids is… a blessing for the fortunate.

During Covid, our teenaged son unsheltered himself from the filtered environment that we, his parents, had carefully constructed. We now live in a fascinating reality: We’re a dumbphone family with filtered computers, no social media, and minimal devices — oh, and also there’s a teenager with open access to screens, devices, and every sort of digital media, living right here in our home.

The first time his shtark brother came home from yeshivah and discovered an unfiltered device in their shared bedroom, he moved out for the night. But how long can you keep that up? It’s your bedroom. More crucially, it’s your brother. Eventually they found a truce — the same uneasy truce that pervades our entire household.

We are so grateful that our son considers this home his haven; we don’t take it for granted. He knows that we’re not thrilled about his devices, but he also knows that we don’t criticize or nag. He tries to do most of his screen-watching in his bedroom, away from the eyes of his little sisters. And we try to save most of our angst for our conversations with Hashem.

But beyond those simplistic ground rules, there’s a lot of complexity. Smartphones, especially the unfiltered types, offer lots of conveniences, which translate into interesting quandaries for us parents. We made the decision to shelter ourselves and our kids. So for example, we don’t have the ability to instantly post or share photos. But… our son made different decisions for himself. Are we still a sheltered family? (Should we ask him to send Bubby a picture of the kids on the roller coaster?)

On a more basic level, every parent wants to be part of their child’s life, to connect on whatever frequency resonates with them. So when your son calls you over to his screen to show you the meme of the day, how do you respond? When he rehashes a great Twitter fight, how do you take it? When he offers to demonstrate what makes “his type of music” so great, what do you say?

To anyone else you can say, “Sorry, I don’t do these things. I made a conscious choice to shut them out.” But when it’s your own child, you never want to convey, “Sorry, kid, I made a conscious choice to shut you out.”

—Talya