“The hardest person to convince of your real value and realistic income goals is… not your boss. It’s you”

I’ve been at my current job for more than three years and have been passed over for two rounds of promotions. I know my work is better than others’, but I’m not one to play games or show off. My parents would be amazed at how much I’m earning (more than both of them combined), but in my field, I know I’m not where I should be. I don’t know if I should be looking for a new job or if there’s something more I can do to move up in this job.

 —Not a Self-Promoter

AH, the classic under-earning straight-A student, who discovers that the scoring system at work isn’t based on the same metrics as it was in school. Let me teach you how to play this new game.

For starters, the only opinions that matter are those belonging to people who know the rules of the game you are playing. That includes people in your field, your industry, and your workplace. That does not include relatives who are unfamiliar with the expectations and standards of your career.

Okay?

How much you earn in comparison to others in different fields is like comparing shekels to dollars without knowing that you’re comparing different currencies.

You are clearly dissatisfied, because you are aware that in your career currency, you’re falling behind.

Next, recognize that, if you’re not willing to “play the game,” you’ve got no chance at winning. Like it or not, you are already a player, albeit an unwilling one.

You’ve got to learn the scoring system and play by the rules in order to participate and move up. Unfortunately, being an honest, hardworking person who isn’t interested in showing off doesn’t earn you points.

This doesn’t mean you need to engage in activities that go against your values, like gossip, dishonesty, or socializing outside of work.

It does mean you need to do things like:

• recognize who key players are and keep them updated on your achievements
• take credit for your work (don’t expect it to be recognized otherwise)
• engage with coworkers by being respectful, caring, and taking the time to help out others
• take the initiative in undertaking work that goes beyond your exact role, if possible

No more of this feel-good “humility,” keeping yourself small and complaining when you’re not noticed. It’s time to embrace true humility, which means being unabashedly proud of your accomplishments, while recognizing that they are gifts from G-d that you are putting to good use.

Be aware that the hardest person to convince of your real value and realistic income goals is… not your boss. It’s you.

Once you’re completely comfortable with what you want, other people will automatically be, too.

One more little thing I suspect may be getting in your way: fear of earning more.

Nah, you’re thinking — that’s exactly what I’m trying to do! But maybe… there’s an internal struggle here that’s keeping you safe, comfortable, and in the same seat.

Some common fears that I have seen:

fear of outearning your parents by so much that you’ll never be able to depend on them again

fear of being the higher earner in a relationship

fear of the additional responsibilities that come with a promotion, and preferring to complain over taking that on.

For you, it may not be any of these. But in order to find out, consider this thought for a moment: Is there something I’m afraid will happen if I do get the next promotion?

So no — don’t rush to look for a new job. Unless you resolve your own conflicts, you will take them with you wherever you go. Instead, take the time to learn the rules of this new game, play your part, and score.

I’m on your winning team!

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1022)