A frum glossary of terms, phrases, and concepts that aims to define and decode some of our mysterious lingo

Illustrations: Esti Saposh

Project Coordinator: Michal Frischman

One of the reasons we were redeemed from Egypt is because we didn’t change our language. Ever since, this has been one of the hallmarks of our nation. In every country that we’ve set up shop, the frum vernacular has been as identifiable as our mode of dress.

Our speech is peppered with exquisite idioms, unique usages, and unconventional constructs.

Here we offer a frum glossary of terms, phrases, and concepts that aims to define and decode some of our mysterious lingo.

And if you have conniptions about some of these entries, if you shake your head at some of the illustrations, if you think that we didn’t define some of these words as perfectly as you could have – well… you’re thinking like a Gemara Kup. This glossary is intended just for you.

Amazon guy

A guy who’s technically in yeshivah, but he’s like the dove in Rav Yirmiyah’s famous sh’eilah: He has one foot in and one foot out. He has at least seven different LLCs registered under his name, and he sells a variety of phone accessories and/or baby products on Amazon. He still receives support from his adoring in-laws.

He lives in a rented basement, but he’s waiting for the day he finds a great deal on his dream house. He enjoys balling out and sponsoring the kiddush in his shul “just because.”

Generally speaking, he has dabbled pretty heavily in crypto and lost most of what he put in.

Artisanal

A word that is used to describe anything from sourdough bread to pacifier clips.

Though the strict definition would imply that the product was handcrafted by a skilled artisan, we can assume that the Chinese factory worker who produced the item was probably a pretty average guy. And the artisanal deconstructed salad that you paid $30 for was, in all likelihood, assembled by a newlywed at her dining room table. We hope the young artisan used gloves.

Askan

An important person who has a minimum of 5,000 contacts saved in his phone. He is often photographed standing near politicians and gedolei Yisrael, and no one is quite sure what exactly he does for a living. He is willing to help out just about anyone who could use his help, and he has been the proud recipient of at least three separate Kesser Shem Tov awards.

If you are having a hard time reaching him, a useful technique is to stretch out a red ribbon and prepare a big goofy pair of scissors, and he will usually be attracted to the area within a few minutes for the ribbon-cutting ceremony.

As someone who is adept at standing in a row of smiling VIPs wearing hard hats and holding shovels, and also someone who is great at maintaining interpersonal relationships, he truly brings new meaning to the phrase, “shovel l’chol nefesh.”

BDE

As far as texting conventions go, BDE seems to fall short of the standards we rachamanim bnei rachamanim should hold ourselves to. Often posted by many people in a row on a group chat, this unceremonious response to the loss of a neshamah might be a tad too cavalier. (The widespread usage of this term might be a reflection of our generation’s insensitivity to insensitivity.)

Simply hearing about someone’s death can have concrete halachic ramifications, in the case of a relative, Rachmana litzlan. Perhaps we can extend ourselves a bit and grant the departed some respect by actually typing (and maybe even saying) the complete phrase: Baruch Dayan HaEmes.

May we hear no more bad news.

Birshus hagabbaim

A proclamation that marks the beginning of a meshulach’s appeal, which is usually delivered during either Ashrei/U’va L’Tzion or Aleinu.

Literally translated, it means: “As per the prior authorization of the custodian, I would like to make the following announcement.”

Colloquially, it is more accurately rendered as: “I have no idea who is in charge over here, and I certainly haven’t asked anyone’s permission, but I would like to deliver a perfectly timed speech, which will end just as the chazzan begins saying ‘V’ne’emar.’ Credit cards accepted.”

Buying groups

An entry-level side gig for the aspiring hustler. A great way to max out your purchase restrictions on limited-edition silver coins and flash sales from Costco and Staples. This is not a job for the faint of heart! Be prepared to constantly find in-cart items no longer available and for credit cards to be mysteriously declined and subsequently updated by the group’s admin.

The title for this entry was written in plural form, because there was never anyone who was a member of just one.

Beshow

There has been much discussion about shidduch dating etiquette, for instance, the necessity and propriety of a young suitor opening the car door for his date. Many of these doubts can be assuaged by having the Litvish world formally adopt the beshow system.

A beshow is an efficient, goal-oriented courtship procedure practiced in many chassidishe communities. This results-based approach bypasses many of the usual uncomfortable moments, costly expenditures, and faux pas generally associated with shidduch dating. Imagine, not having to hondel with the rental place about the scratch on the Camry! If this structure had been in place 40 years ago, that ’67 Buick could have still been going strong.