You realize, the moment you step foot outside, that you’ve committed a grievous error

IT

is a truth universally acknowledged that stockings are for summer, black tights for winter. Which is easy to say, but a lot harder to implement than it sounds.

It all begins around Pesach. You feel confident that now is the time to switch to natural. It’s definitely the time. You’re bored with your winter sweaters, and that black skirt you’ve lived in for months has pilled. You eye the summer wardrobe hanging in your closet, all those bright colors and light fabrics, and for a moment you imagine lightly swaying palm trees and sunshine. Yes, it has been sunnier the past few days, and besides, it’s spring. It was just Chag Ha’aviv, right? You reach for the stockings squashed in the back of your drawer.

You realize, the moment you step foot outside, that you’ve committed a grievous error. The sun is shining, true, but it’s 50 degrees, and everyone else is wearing black tights and booties. For the rest of the day, you pull your skirt down as low as possible, trying to un-stocking-ify your stockings. You resolve to do better next time.

For the next week, you’re a good girl, huddled back into your sweaters (but of course, your midweight sweaters; those really cute chunky sweaters are too warm) and black tights. Until you leave the house one day and belatedly realize that it’s about 75 degrees, and all over town women are wearing stockings and bright colors. You look down at your fuzzy old black tights and sigh.