“… Then he shall be brought to Aaron the Kohein or to one of his sons the Kohanim.” (Vayikra 13:2)

The Torah says: Even if you are a Kohein go to a different Kohein. A person can see all blemishes except for his own. Though a Kohein is able to diagnose these afflictions his own are invisible to him.

Dorshei Reshumos explains: It’s the nature of a person to recognize the shortcomings of others but not his own. It’s hard for a person to check himself and see his faults. His desires blind him from seeing the truth. He thinks that all his actions are perfect and therefore he has to come to the Kohein to hear words of rebuke. (Rabbi Yaakov Neiman Darchei Mussar)

I started unpacking the suitcases and putting things away. I put up a wash and start bedtime. But something is lodged deep in my throat. A lump that refuses to disappear no matter how often I swallow.

What happened?

We had just returned from a fantastic Shabbos at my parents’. The kids had a great time. The food was excellent. And I had rested. But now? Now I feel insulted angry and confused.

It started Shabbos afternoon. My mother and I were sitting on the couch chatting. And suddenly my mother who is always so quietly considerate of everyone’s feelings starts telling me that she’s worried about Yossi. My Yossi. She thinks he’s been a bit sad lately. Perhaps feeling ignored. Is he falling through the cracks?

Yossi? I was surprised. Why did she think that? That’s his nature. He’s a quiet sensitive kid.

My mother looked hesitant. I realized that I wasn’t going to convince her. But smart woman that she is she just changed the topic and moved on to something else. And I gratefully slammed the door on my confusion.

Now at home the suitcases have been emptied and the wash is spinning away. I’m sitting on my own couch holding a hot cup of coffee. But the heat somehow doesn’t reach my frozen heart.

Avos D’Rebbi Nosson states: Love those who give you mussar and hate those who honor you. Because those who rebuke you bring you to Olam HaBa. Whereas those who honor you bring you to corruption. (Ibid.)

I think of Yossi sleeping peacefully now in his bed. I picture his sweet face all the more serious deep in his slumber. And I wonder. I’d love to dismiss my mother’s remarks as being off-target. I finally have a calm kid and now you want to tell me he’s not doing well? I wish all the kids in the world would be like Yossi! What other grandchild does my mother have who learned to read at the tender age of three? Why is she looking for problems?

But somehow this philosophy is not satisfying me. I sip the coffee and summon up the strength to do some real soul-searching.

Students love praise compliments and honor. But in reality these will bring them down because they … don’t allow them to grow. There’s no chinuch without mussar. By nature a person  thinks that’s there’s no one smarter than him and he doesn’t need direction. His pride doesn’t allow him any acceptance of rebuke. He’s convinced it’s a punishment. (Ibid.)

In looking at the picture objectively I begin to view Yossi’s place in the family. The child below him is an adorable princess reigning supreme in the arena of preciousness. His older brother is a burst of energy and enthusiasm always surrounded by friends. And Yossi? The sensitive good one. How did my mother describe it? Falling between the cracks?

Maybe tomorrow I’ll leave the princess by neighbors and the older one by some friends. I’ll take Yossi out by himself for some real quality time alone with Ima.

There. That’s a good start. And I’m actually grateful that my mother pointed this out. Grateful that I didn’t completely close my eyes in denial.

It’s a terrible tragedy when a person doesn’t have someone to give him mussar. Because someone who rebukes him is bringing him to Olam HaBa. (Ibid.)

There are things that are impossible to do alone. We need help from outside. But often when the help comes we are quick to kick it aside in our anger and shame.

I’m not interested. Stay out of my business. You have no idea what you’re talking about.

Right. It’s important to know when to assert ourselves and allow criticism to slide off. But to regularly dismiss everyone’s opinions because we always know best … well … it’s often worth investigating to see if there’s some truth. Perhaps someone managed to see something that I did not. Because my own faults are invisible to me.

So even if you’re a Kohein go to another Kohein.