I feel more depressed than I ever felt before. How do I get out of this?

During practice I try to do the steps, but the blue pizza dances around me. I can’t focus.

Practice is finally over. Meirav comes over to me. “Is everything okay, Perela? You look like you’re worried about something.”

“I’m just tired,” I tell her.

I imagine telling her what’s really bothering me. The thought is ludicrous. She would laugh in my face and think I’m crazy. In fact, maybe I am crazy. I’ve heard stories of girls who had nervous breakdowns. Maybe that’s what’s happening to me?!

If I thought I was panicking before, well, that was nothing compared to how I feel now. I’m nearly hyperventilating. I keep picturing my parents visiting me in an institution, the type where they keep syringes on hand to sedate you if need be. I see my friends and classmates clucking their tongues as they grind away in the rumor mill: “Such a pity, she was so talented and smart,” and “I heard she just went crazy out of the blue.”

I am not going crazy, I tell myself over and over again. Maybe if I keep saying it, I’ll eventually believe it.