In a recent article (“The Parent’s Top 10”) I reported that the second most important parenting skill is the ability of the parent to manage stress. This finding makes intuitive sense: A stressed-out parent is more likely to be irritable unreasonable unpleasant and even unkind. Kids thrive when parents are calm pleasant reasonable and loving.

Obviously every parent gets stressed on occasion. However parents who are chronically stressed probably aren’t doing the best job dealing with their most important relationships. Moreover they’re probably not as physically healthy productive or happy as they themselves would like to be.

            While particular stresses come and go stress itself is here to stay (at least until Mashiach comes). Children need calm parents today. Therefore parents need to have some effective strategies for reducing the stress that life inevitably brings. Today we’ll look at one such strategy.

Push the Pause Button

            It’s easy to find oneself drowning in stress. Exhaustion overwhelming pressure and a vague sort of injustice combine together in a dark cloud that settles over one’s psyche. When one is immersed in stress it is hard to breathe. Yet breathing can be the first step in gently dispersing the stress. Of course a person is always breathing - but rarely breathing in the gently-disperse-the-stress way that can be so helpful. Here is how the stress-buster-breath is done:

• Stop doing whatever you’re doing for one minute.
• Sit down if possible; if not stand still.
• Close your eyes if possible.
• Breathe in your usual manner; notice the feeling of the breath as it enters and exits from your nostrils.

Mindfulness Stress Reduction

            The stress-buster-breath will give you a little island of time in which to re-set your brain chemistry. Even one minute of this breathing will help calm your mind and body.

            If you can manage to do this for several minutes you’ll very possibly find that your mind will start to wander beyond the breath to notice other thoughts feelings or physical sensations.

You can then engage in one of the most effective stress-busters described in the medical literature: mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness meditation combats stress depression anxiety and many other physical and emotional issues. More than 40 years of scientific research have validated its ability to reduce disease facilitate healing speed recovery reduce stress increase emotional well-being boost intellectual functioning and more. Here is how it’s done:

• Do the stress-buster-breath as described above.
• When you notice a thought feeling or physical sensation name it.
• Continue with the stress-buster-breath.
• Repeat for as many minutes as you like.

In practice this exercise might look something like this: I start paying attention to the air going in and out of my nostrils. I notice a tightness in my shoulders. I say to myself “tightness in my shoulders.” Then I go back to my breath. I now notice that I’m feeling guilty for yelling at the kids. I say to myself “feeling guilty for yelling.” And I return to my breath.

One can have a pain in one's head or one can notice a pain in one's head. One can be drowning in feelings of overwhelm or one can notice feelings of overwhelm. Mindfulness meditation allows us to “notice” something from a neutral detached place of witnessing.  The part of us that "notices" or "watches" feels calm and unaffected. It is a restful place of no stress. The more time we can spend in this place the less stress we will feel in our lives.

Say “Yes”

            To supercharge the effects of this meditation add the word “Yes” after naming what’s happening. Doing so makes the exercise sound something like this: “Tightness in my shoulders…Yes” “Feeling guilty for yelling…Yes.” Continue naming whatever thoughts feelings and sensations arise saying “Yes” to each one and returning your attention to the breath for as many minutes as you like.

Adding the word "Yes" to this watching process adds the dimension of acceptance. It is the opposite of resistance and struggle. It's as if we are saying "yes I see that this is how it is" as opposed to "this shouldn't be this way!" It's bad enough having the headache; feeling that it's awful and that it shouldn't be this way adds extra levels of stress to the pain. Ironically saying "Yes" also causes the stress to release much like Mommy's kiss on the knee of a child who is screaming that he has a boo-boo: "Yes it hurts! Here's a kiss to make it better." The psyche receives the "yes" as permission to let the stress go.

 Do this exercise whenever and wherever you like: while standing in line washing dishes or preparing to fall asleep. Do it with eyes open or closed sitting standing or lying down. What you are likely to discover as you practice this strategy sporadically throughout your day - as thousands of people have already discovered - is that your cloud of stress lifts and you can see the sun again.

            So powerful. So simple. So accessible. .

Help yourself and your family – try it!