Being lost is a scary experience, but feeling lost and lonely in a crowd is so much scarier

Miri’s Story

IN my wildest dreams I could never have imagined what a nightmare my high school experience would turn into.

The summer before high school was a happy time in my life. I shopped for uniforms and went to several stores until I found the perfect shoes. I found a chic backpack that I filled with fresh pens and notebooks. Everything was perfectly set. I had so many hopes and dreams for high school. If I had slight butterflies in my stomach, it was because I was nervous in a good way. I was excited, anticipating a new experience. Throughout elementary school, I had been studious and well-liked by my classmates and teachers. Though I wasn’t attending high school with many girls that I knew, I assumed I would breeze right in and find my social standing quickly.

But it just didn’t happen.

From the first day of school, I felt lost and alone, overwhelmed and confused. Each recess bell brought feelings of panic. Who would I sit with? Where would I go? How could I possibly blend into the cliques of happily chattering girls?

I’m naturally a very positive person, so I tried to brush off my own fears.

It’s still the beginning of the year. It takes time to get acclimated. There are other girls straggling too. I’m not the only one. I just have to give it some time.

Unfortunately, time did not help. If anything, time made it even worse. The situation deteriorated as the months went by.

There was one particular girl in my class, Tova, who took a very strong dislike to me. I did very well scholastically; my straight A’s came easy. I was a pretty girl, with beautiful blond hair, a sweet personality, and an easy smile. I also had a nice wardrobe and all the right accessories, down to my designer jacket. Tova had a very hard time scholastically and her family was struggling financially; she didn’t have many of the things that I had. In retrospect, I realize that she felt insecure and jealous of me. There was also some emotional upheaval in her own life at the time — I’m not exactly sure what it was — but I quickly became her target.