“By nature, man is influenced by the conduct and views of his peers… and follows the customs of his fellow countrymen”

The Blind Leading the Blind

A Worried Mechaneches

I’ve been teaching for 27 years now, making my way up from seventh grade to high school. I currently teach in three high schools in New York; each year I have 200-plus students.

Social media is not something I know at all. I have a flip phone, own a laptop that I use only in the school office, and have no idea what the differences between all the platforms are.

I have a close relationship with my students, and I speak to my 12th-graders about the perils of online forums and social media. In reading your recent series “Follow Me Where,” I realized that I was out of my depth.

My daughter-in-law is an artist. When I asked her something about the article — how Sarah Rivkah Kohn, in Memo to Self, mentioned frum people wishing others Happy Valentine’s Day — my daughter-in-law stunned me by telling me that if I were open to it, she’d tell me all about her presence on social media. I’d had no idea that that was how she was selling; in fact, I’d embarrassingly told my students that my relative sells lots of art without resorting to using social media.

After I read your series, I called my principal and said, “This needs further conversation, but we need to find some teachers who know far more details and nuance to talk to our students about this, because the danger of someone who just doesn’t know it doing the talking means we look like fools — and worse, we aren’t effective.” I was railing all about shemiras einayim and didn’t touch on any of the other points mentioned in your articles because I just didn’t know they exist.

No, we don’t want teachers who are influencers or who will send a mixed message, but we sure need people who are better versed or we’re the blind leading the blind.

This series caused me a lot of agmas nefesh and also a lot of important introspection. I would love to hear how other mosdos in insular communities are walking this tightrope — or are we all in the same bind?

Don’t Cheat Yourself

Name Withheld

I’d like to comment on the conversation on social media.

Yes, we are worried about the dangers and the inappropriate content. But in general, that’s not what concerns me when I see my family and friends on social media. I’m more bothered by the subtle dangers — like, time-wasting (I have memories of my mother waiting for my bus saying Tehillim. Has the phone replaced that?) and distraction from reality. Most of all, I feel like social media users are cheating themselves of real meaning and truth in their lives.

I hear people say, “I follow her for the inspiration” or “she has great parenting tips.” How often do these influencers come with Torah sources? When an on-trend woman with three barefoot kids on the sand in the background is your source of learning, it’s very upsetting. Even if they may have some nice things to say, the content is muddied by the noise and lifestyle choices, whatever they may be. These users are missing out; they don’t know the feeling of a Torah shiur ringing true, how fulfilling it is to know you are gleaning lessons from an ultimate source of truth.

They crave learning, they are willing to hear — but they are shortchanged with what they are receiving.

Please, buy a book on practical halachah, listen to a parenting series. There are even many entertaining, easy-to-hear shiurim available. Don’t cheat yourself: The Torah has everything to offer.