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| Family First Feature |

Lessons from My Student    

Leaders reveal what they’ve learned from those they guide

“I have learned much from my teachers, more from my colleagues, and the most from my students” (Taanis 7a). Centuries later, those in leadership roles echo Rabi Chanina’s observation, and share what they gained from those they guide

Rifky Goldman

Director, Yeshiva Ktana of Passaic Ohr Dovid preschool

Nechama* was a bright, sweet four-year-old who had a bad habit. She often brought home things that weren’t hers — her friend’s new bouncy ball, the classroom’s new doll, all sorts of stuff.

It could have been a bigger problem, but we were blessed that Nechama’s mother, Rena, would check her daughter’s schoolbag nightly and send Nechama back the next day with whatever goodies weren’t hers.

We never lost anything of significance, but we clearly needed to work with Nechama to train her out of this bad habit. We settled on a sticker chart: Every day that Nechama came home empty-handed, she’d get a sticker, and at the end of the week, five stickers bought her an ice cream. Her teacher Mrs. Schein* worked with her as well, gently guiding her to return her friends’ toys and snacks after free play.

One night about halfway into the year and this contest, I got a call from Rena. She apologized for calling, but explained that she was stuck. Nechama had come home from school with a package of stickers, the very stickers used on her chart. When Rena questioned her daughter, Nechama said that her teacher had given it to her — but she didn’t remember which teacher, and she couldn’t say why.

Rena and I spent time brainstorming, but we had a hard time finding a way to be dan l’chaf zechus. There was no way her teacher had given Nechama those stickers; she’d obviously taken them.

I gently instructed Mom to have Nechama return the stickers. It was a shame. Nechama had been doing so well, and this was a real setback. We’d have to figure out what had happened to cause this reversal.

The next day, when I stopped by Nechama’s classroom, I took the teachers aside to inquire whether Nechama had returned the stickers. She had. I asked them if anything had happened the previous day that might have overwhelmed her. They couldn’t think of anything. I watched Nechama for a few minutes. She was subdued, but that made sense. I hoped this was a learning curve, and that this would be the last time she’d take something that didn’t belong to her.

Later that day, I passed the three-year-old class, where Morah Malka, a permanent sub, was reading the kids a story. Suddenly I recalled that Morah Schein had left early yesterday, and Morah Malka — who’d never been in Nechama’s class before — had taken over half an hour between morahs.

“Did you by any chance give Nechama Bergman stickers yesterday?” I asked Malka.

“Nechama Bergman?” Malka thought for a minute, and then lit up. “Oh yes, I did! Gitty spilled her lunch yesterday, and everyone was making fun of her. Only Nechama bent down to help her clean it up, and she did it so kindly, making Gitty feel good about it. I felt like I had to reward her, and I told her she could choose a page of stickers from Morah’s drawer. Did I do something wrong?” Malka sounded nervous.

“Not at all,” I said, smiling at Malka. “It sounds like Nechama really did deserve those stickers.”

Malka hadn’t done anything wrong, but we had. We’d jumped to conclusions and assumed that Nechama had taken the stickers without permission — even if we did so based on prior behavior.

Nechama taught me never to assume. Whenever two children are brought to me to break up a fight, and the teacher tells me she “knows exactly what happened,” I think of Nechama and ask her how she knows.

“Unless you witnessed something from the beginning, there’s no way you can know.”

Nechama taught me that we can never assume anything, and that we can learn from everyone — even a four-year-old.

Excerpted from Mishpacha Magazine. To view full version, SUBSCRIBE FOR FREE or LOG IN.

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