I may not have lice but I have… Demodex folliculorum! Yippee!

Hello, kiddos,

This is Professor Mordy Maven, Thinker, Wonderer, and Figure-Outer of all things science-ish. What that basically means is I try really hard to figure stuff out. I do the hard work so you don’t have to!

The other day, my neighbor Shmelky came home from school early. Then he spent the whole afternoon sitting on his porch swing, scratching his head. When I asked him why, he told me that he had lice. I thought he’d gotten a new pet or something, but he explained that lice are actually tiny bugs that live on people’s scalps and feed off their blood. Cool!

So I went home and asked my mother if I could get lice too. She started muttering under her breath in that way she has that tells me she wonders how we could possibly be related. I explained to her that they would be really easy to get — I just had to rub my head against Shmelky’s — and they would be totally free. In fact, I could even share them with the whole family! I also told her that we wouldn’t need to feed the lice or walk them or anything, since they could eat off my scalp and just go wherever I go. At that point, her muttering got a lot louder, and her face turned a funny shade of purple. I took that as a hint to leave the kitchen. Fast!