The clock is ticking for Zeidy — should we bend our principles?

Pinchos: Doesn’t your grandfather come before your principles?

Shaya: We’re adults, and we’ve chosen a different path in life.

Pinchos

When a loved one is in the hospital, your routine is just different.

My father wasn’t young, and we’ve had minor scares and medical crises over the years. Now, though, his health was deteriorating rapidly. He was suffering from kidney failure and on dialysis while we frantically searched for a donor. And for the past few weeks, he’d been suffering from recurring fevers whose source the doctors couldn’t identify. He’d been in the hospital for several weeks already, and things were stable, but the situation wasn’t encouraging at all.

My sister and I both live nearby, and we each visited daily. I’d come straight from work, stay for a few hours, sometimes overnight if things weren’t looking good. Chassi came around midday and spent the afternoon there. My wife, Raizy, took shifts every so often, and the children and grandchildren visited when they could — which was revitalizing to my father. He lived for these visits, the company, the interaction, and especially, the eineklach.

It was heartbreaking to see him like this, so fragile, so dependent. On the one hand, the fact that he was still completely focused and aware — his mind clear, his speech fluent — was a tremendous brachah. On the other hand, he was frustrated, bored, and lonely. I felt helpless watching him clinging to the vestiges of his dignity while losing his physical abilities. What could I do, though? But I was determined to do whatever I could to keep up his morale, to keep visiting, to learn with him whenever he felt up to it, and to try to ensure a steady flow of other visitors.

As the weeks went on, it became harder. As much as he tried to shield me from it, Tatty was feeling low. The only time I saw him smile a real smile was when my grandchildren — his great-grandchildren — came to visit.

He was like a different person during these visits. He’d schmooze with them, quiz them on what they were learning, and crack jokes. The younger ones drew him pictures, the older ones prepared divrei Torah, and he would distribute candies from the dish beside his bed and beam with pleasure at their offerings.

We have three married children living nearby; Chassi has four. When we told them how much it meant to Zeidy to have his great-grandchildren come to visit, they really made an effort to come as often as possible. Of course only the local ones could come, but my daughter Sheva, who lived out of town, Skyped in once a week with her crew, and Chassi’s Moshe did the same before Shabbos, waving his pudgy toddler’s fist at the camera and coaxing him to smile at Zeidy.