The perfect comebacks for those awkward questions

When an acquaintance at a simchah says:

“Nu, where is your son learning this year?”

You could say:

“Thanks for asking. How are things with you?”

There you are, eyeing the spread of sushi or soup or salad, and up walks someone you know. Not someone you know well, but someone you know well enough to have to make slightly awkward small talk with them at a kiddush. Everything starts off fine, and then she asks you a question about the worst possible topic. You know, the one that has you up at night and keeps a tefillah on your lips all day.

First, it’s helpful to acknowledge that she’s just making small talk — she doesn’t realize she’s just stepped on an emotional landmine. And as it’s not the time or place to get into it, the best thing to do is to answer with a non-answer and then volley the conversational ball back into her court. Bonus points if you can recall the most recent simchah she’s celebrated and ask her specifically about that.

When a yenta at a simchah says:

“I don’t want to pry, but is it true that your brother-in-law left his job?”

You could say:

“Sorry, I need to get a closer look at that tablecloth.”

Again, you’re eying the spread and up walks that acquaintance. In this case, you know from personal experience that it’s very likely she’s going to subtly or not so subtly ask you about a painful or awkward topic you’re currently in very close proximity to.

You could always start by giving her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe today she’ll be able to suppress her curiosity, and you’ll have a perfectly pareve conversation. But if that topic does come up, immediately remember that you have an intense interest in all things decor and rush off right away to check it out.