Ma has so many rules about food. And now she went away

She remembers the night she found Ma on the floor. If she had known it would make her disappear, she wouldn’t have called Dad home from work, wouldn’t have told him how she found Ma on the floor, her burgundy T-shirt covered in vomit, her eyes all weird, like she couldn’t even see her.

She was so scared, that’s all. But she didn’t mean to send Ma away.

She didn’t know that by the time Dad came home, Ma would be cleaning up after herself. She thought Ma had died. What a stupid, stupid girl she was.

Ever since Tziri could remember, Ma has had a stomach ache. Everything she ate made her throw up — it was like her tummy was broken. Tziri’s friend Rivky was allergic to peanut butter, but now she only ate things that were peanut-free, and her stomach never hurt anymore. She would tell Ma about this, but Ma would sigh and say, “Sure, hon,” and continue throwing up. Ma didn’t even eat peanut butter though.

She hated the retching sounds coming from the bathroom all the time. Ma would put the shower on so she wouldn’t hear, but she knew. On bad stomach days Ma would be in bed when she came home from school, and she would get herself a bowl of cereal and milk, and give some to Avi and Ezzie too. Ma had a lot of bad stomach days. The boys didn’t understand; they were just five and two. She was eight and she knew better.

She didn’t want to yell at them when Ezzie yanked Avi’s hair and Avi punched him in the nose. She just wanted to shush them so Ma could sleep. But they were hungry and cereal and milk wasn’t enough, so she gave them each one cookie and a glass of milk so they wouldn’t be noisy. Ma didn’t like it when they had too many cookies. Something about it having too many carbosomething. It sounded scary when Ma said it, but then Dad would get angry and say, “Healthy kids need carbosomething.”

Not that Ma cares anymore. She’s gone. But Tziri watches what Avi and Ezzy eat anyway, she wouldn’t want them to have too many carbosomething — maybe it’ll make them sick like Ma.

When Tziri asks Dad where Ma is, he says she’s at the hospital. Tziri knows it’s not a normal hospital, she heard Dad whispering with Uncle Yossi about a rehab, whatever that was. And there’s something weird about how everyone looks at her. The adults do an awful lot of whispering, and she tries hard to listen — not like eavesdropping, she knows that’s bad — but to hear what’s really happening.