How can we help our children become effective decision makers?

Maximizers and Satisficers

Barry Schwartz, a Swarthmore psychology professor and author of The Paradox of Choice, has broken mankind into two camps. There are the maximizers, who scrutinize every option, and satisficers (a made-up word that combines “satisfied” and “sacrificed”), who are happy with decisions that are good enough.

Since there are always more options out there — sometimes, an infinite number — it can take an enormous amount of time to make “the best” decision.

Maximizers agonize over every possible option and then suffer from anticipatory regret (“What if the store gets an even nicer coat next week?”) and post-decision regret, mourning the options they nixed.

A satisficer looks around the store, makes a decision about what to buy, and is pretty happy with his choice. Maximizers wonder why any sacrifice needs to be made when it comes to decisions. They ignore the biggest sacrifices they make — the time, the effort, and the emotional pain of their regret.

Schwartz says satisficers are happier and that parents should teach their children that “good enough is almost always good enough.” That doesn’t come easily to most parents.

“I’ve never heard a parent say, ‘I only want my children to have whatever’s good enough,’ ” he says.

Schwartz suggests that parents pay attention to how their children make decisions. If their children are maximizers, be aware that the more options they have, the greater their tendency will be to maximize. Give young children a few acceptable choices. Help older children look at all the options and then help them discard the least likely ones. Once they’ve made their decision, encourage them to talk about what they like about the choice they made to stave off anticipatory and post-decision regret.

The Five-Step Method

Dr. Shoshana Isenberg, a psychologist at the Specialized Children’s Hospital in New Jersey, teaches children a four-step process for making decisions. “It applies to all problems, from a lost house key to social problems,” she says. The steps are:

• Stop: Don’t just follow your impulses — make a deliberate decision.
• Define the problem, rather than just reacting to it.
• Brainstorm: Generate five or ten possible solutions, even if some of them are bad. Research shows that kids who can come up with many solutions are better at problem-solving.
• Consider the consequences of each solution: If someone pushes me, what might happen if I respond by crying, or telling the teacher, or ignoring it?

“As the Rambam says, shoot for the middle path,” she advises. “Neither extreme — over-thinking or under-thinking — is good.