Is your family hopelessly disorganized, or is it just a management mismatch?

DAD

Current situation: Mom rambles and Dad forgets

“Sweetheart, on your way home from work, can you pick up the medicine from the pharmacy? And can you call the plumber, the sink is still leaking. Also, did you ever speak with Shlomo’s rebbi? I think he needs a tutor, you should discuss it with him…. And oh, the picture in the hallway fell down again. Can you put it on a stronger hook?”

Conundrum:

Dad wants to be helpful, but he’s not adept at multitasking nor at multi-listening (did I just coin a term?). If he processed anything from Mom’s rapid-fire requests it was either to make a phone call or to run an errand, but definitely not both. If Mom is smart, she’ll learn the way Dad processes and records information so her requests will be filled.

Time-management match:

Mom and Dad should sit down over a cup of coffee. Instead of kvetching about Dad’s forgetfulness, Mom should ask Dad when and how he prefers to hear about her requests. I recommend she divide up her requests into three categories: calls, errands, and tasks.

She may be surprised to find out (even after many years of marriage) that Dad has a different preference for each type of task. During the week, he’s too busy to think about fixing anything, but he’d like a list of jobs clipped to the fridge, and on Sunday he’s happy to check the list and get everything done. He tends to make his phone calls while he’s driving, so any call reminders should be programmed into his phone. If she wants him to run an errand on the way home, the best thing to do is to hand him a list in the morning, or have him call Mom when he’s on the way home.

After a week or two of practice, Mom is overjoyed! What else can she add to Dad’s list?

TEENAGER

Current situation: Always busy, not doing much

Shira, age15, is great at baking and folding laundry. She’s happy to help Mom around the house when she’s available. She’s also bright and, in theory, should be doing well in school. It’s quite frustrating to Mom that every time she asks Shira for help, Shira claims she’s too busy, and it’s not with her homework….

Conundrum:

Between schmoozing on the phone, outings with friends, and a variety of extracurricular activities, Shira can’t be relied upon to do much. Her homework is suffering, and she rarely helps out at home.

Time-management match:

If Mom would ask other MOTs (mothers-of-teens; there should be a support group like that!) or her local chinuch habanim expert, she’d understand that this is normal. A teenager doesn’t feel as committed to her responsibilities as an adult does. She’s not against them, she’s just not focused on them. She needs some help putting a schedule together, using some of the fun and creative time-management tools on the market.

Girls usually love the pretty wall calendars, decorative message boards, and cute planners that match their notebooks. Let Shira choose a classic time-management product that she connects to and hang it in her room. Seeing these pleasant decorative reminders on her wall helps a lot. She may need a typical homework tracker as well — get one she likes, even if it’s pricey. Then dedicate two weeks to encouraging her to use all these items and see how it goes.