An introvert has a harder time putting themselves “out there’ and often feels like an “outsider” in social situations

It’s Sunday morning, and after a long first week of school, Ayelet is exhausted and has escaped to her bedroom. Unwinding to her favorite calming music, she looks out the window and sketches a squirrel (she’s named him “Chase”) as it scampers up a tree still green with summery leaves. Noticing a few yellow leaves, Ayelet thinks, why can’t summer last forever? Chase stops, looks up, sees her, then scurries further up the tree. Lucky squirrel — no school for you.The phone rings. It’s Leora, her BFF. Why do phone calls always feel like an intrusion? Ayelet knows why Leora is calling and doesn’t answer. She is not, unlike her bubbly, outgoing friend, psyched for the G.O. welcoming party that afternoon. Why can’t attendance be optional?

“Ayelet, are you in there?” Her mother knocks and peeks in. “Is something wrong?” “No, I’m fine.” I just need to be alone right now. Why do people always think there’s something wrong with me? Is there?

Does the above scenario feel familiar? Do you need a lot of time to yourself after a long week of school? Do you wish you didn’t have to show up to every school social event? Do you love your friends, but need your space? Secretly enjoyed being in quarantine last year and doing school by Zoom?

Do you sometimes wonder if maybe there is something wrong with you?

If this all sounds familiar, chances are, you are introvert. And no — there’s nothing wrong with you! (If you aren’t an introvert, keep reading anyway. Your best friend might be, and she needs you to understand her.)

What is an introvert?

According to author and introvert advocate Jenn Granneman, an introvert is “someone who prefers calm, minimally stimulating environments. Introverts tend to feel drained after socializing and regain their energy by spending time alone.”

Unlike extroverts, an introvert has a harder time putting themselves “out there’ and often feels like an “outsider” in social situations. It’s not that they are shy, or socially awkward (though sometimes that is the case). Rather, introverts don’t get the same really good feelings and energy from a crowd as extroverts do. It’s not that introverts don’t like people, it’s that they love doing things alone and get more pleasure from thoughtful, quiet activities like reading, art, and being out in nature. They have vivid imaginations and love to daydream and think.

Speaking of thinking, if you are an introvert, you think best when you are alone rather than in a group setting. You have an inner voice that is constant. Like, it never stays quiet! Maybe it even keeps you up at night. Things you did or said in the past play themselves over and over in your head. (Sometimes you drive yourself crazy.)

According to Granneman, introverts can feel lonely in a crowd “because it’s hard to hear your inner voice when there is so much noise around you.” Your inner life is rich and interesting, and when you can’t hear it (or share it) you get thrown off balance.