"She’s a very sweet kid.” But our family isn’t used to this. We didn’t have any warning, and the children were frightened

Gila: Shabbos sheva brachos is not the time to start special-needs education.

Rikki: Can’t you teach your kids about accepting those who are different from them?

Rikki

"Rikki Morgenfeld, you are so unbelievably organized, it’s embarrassing.”

Dina, my colleague and close friend, closed the binder and sat back in her chair. We were going through the material I’d prepared for the classes I’d be missing over the next few days. My husband’s youngest brother was getting married, and the kallah lived out of town.

“Tell me you don’t do this every week when you prepare your classes?”

“Nah.” I waved a hand, and the top few papers from a stack of photocopied sheets fluttered to the floor. “Whoops! Anyway, no, this is in honor of the occasion. I’m taking a full week off, and Mrs. Berger wasn’t so pleased. She wanted me to find substitutes for every single class, from within the staff, so the girls wouldn’t lose out on valuable learning time... you know how it goes. Thanks for taking my parshah classes, by the way.”

“With everything you’ve prepared, it’s really no big deal,” Dina said. “So you’re off tomorrow? For the week?”

“Yup. Chasunah is on Thursday, then there’s Shabbos sheva brachos in some fancy hotel. Her side has money. My kids are so excited, you have no idea. And I’ll be excited once I’ve given over this boatload of lesson-planning material and we’re actually on the way... it’s been crazy.”

“I’m sure,” Dina murmured. “Dresses, suits, shoes, hair and makeup appointments... I know how it goes.”

“Yup. And everything with Toby takes about ten times as long as the others... first the dress we chose bothered her, and then there’s the hassle of taking her shopping, every single time, for shoes and accessories... and of course she wants her hair and makeup done like the others... but the main thing is, she’s super excited. We haven’t had a wedding in the family for a while, and she’s been talking about it for weeks. Nonstop.”

When I said nonstop, I meant it literally. Toby, my oldest daughter, has high-functioning, “invisible” special needs. Which means that although she looks like a typical 12-year-old girl, her behaviors are decidedly atypical. And when Toby is fixated on a subject, it’s all that we (and her siblings, and teachers, and day camp counselors, and everyone) hear about for weeks.

“Awww, she’s going to have a great time with the cousins,” Dina said. Our families were close, and she had Toby over at her house all the time. “What a party!”

I thought about the stuff I still had to organize and the long car journey (Toby hated traveling). “Yeah. It’ll be worth it once we’re there,” I said.

The wedding really was beautiful. Adina, Yossi’s kallah, looked like a princess, and Toby couldn’t get over her gown. I had to keep reminding her that the kallah’s gown was not for touching, but Adina was gracious and understanding. She even took Toby into the middle for a private dance together. My daughter beamed for about an hour afterward.

I enjoyed spending time with my sisters-in-law, but to be honest, I didn’t have that much time to relax. Aside from my younger girls, who needed attention every other minute, Toby was overtired and overstimulated and I really hoped that she wouldn’t have a meltdown before the end of the dinner.