"If you think there’s something I could change that would help me to get married, I really want to hear it”

Shani Leiman with Zivia Reischer

The first boy I set Leah up with was Doni. He was learning out of town, but planned to leave full-time learning within a couple years of marriage to go to law school. That setup appealed to Leah, whose parents were both professionals. Her father, a successful dentist, maintained a sacrosanct learning schedule and had finished Shas multiple times. That type of model was what Leah was seeking in a boy.

Leah and Doni went out a few times, but it didn’t work out. Over the next couple of years I set Leah up with several other boys. They were all cut from similar cloth — learning now, with firm plans for a profession in the foreseeable future. One wanted to be an architect, another was interested in engineering, and one, who I had particular hopes for, was already doing pre-med. But nothing panned out.

Over the course of these shidduch adventures, I got to know Leah pretty well. I also got to know her parents, as well as her married brother, who lived in the Baltimore area where Leah was living while she worked toward her degree.

I liked her family a lot. Her parents were caring and supportive, but never intrusive. Her brother was a real mensch. Leah herself was a gem — I appreciated her intelligence, her emotional honesty, and her clear hashkafos. I was especially impressed that she frequently called me on behalf of her unmarried friends. Though she was still single, that didn’t stop her from doing whatever she could to help others.

One day, shortly after Leah turned 23, she asked me, “Mrs. Leiman, is there any constructive criticism you could offer me that might make a difference in my dating? If you think there’s something I could change that would help me to get married, I really want to hear it.”

I was very impressed Leah had asked that question. But I didn’t really have anything to tell her.