3. You went to college. There’s no reason why a good Bais Yaakov girl like yourself had to go to college. Absolutely no reason. A Jewish girl belongs in a heimish environment. Bais Yaakov teachers make the best wives and mothers. A girl who went through the college system, even a frum one, is simply not on the same level as when she went in. Oh, you wanted to support your husband in kollel? What about all the college graduates with fancy degrees who are out of a job? Huh?

4. You didn’t go to college. How do you expect to support your husband in kollel? Your parents aren’t going to be able to support you forever. So what if school isn’t your thing? Sitting in class for another four years (or even a year and a half if you do an abridged program) is too tedious for you? No problem. But just don’t expect the boys’ mothers to say yes. With a three-foot stack of résumés to choose from, why should the mother pick you?

5. You didn’t go to enough shadchanim. I mean, you know that everyone who used that shadchan is already engaged or married by now. Just because she has never answered even one of your mother’s calls or texts for the past two years isn’t a reason not to go and see her. Try again. She just might have the boy for you!
And you should also try calling the shadchan that your best friend used. Even though she’ll probably scream at you that a single girl must wear extensions and that your top is too plain (never mind that you just spent $150 on it just to meet her). And that if you’re truly ready to get married, you’ll agree to meet a five-foot-nothing BMG guy, even though you’re five foot eight and looking more for a lawyer/doctor type of guy. C’mon, it’s just a date; you don’t need to marry him.

6. You didn’t do 40 days of Nishmas at the Kosel at a vasikin minyan. This one is a must for any girl in shidduchim. It doesn’t matter that you tried it five times already, or that you’re already saying Shir Hashirim and the entire Tehillim daily. Nishmas is a must. And doing it together with 40 other girls is just a beyond-beautiful opportunity that you, unfortunately, have missed.

7. Your parents won’t support. He’s the top boy in Brisk and his stack of résumés is growing each day. There is absolutely no way his mother will pick you if your parents aren’t offering full support for the next 25 years. His mother is worried about how you’ll be able to feed her grandchildren. Oh, you plan on working to support your husband? Rent is expensive, my dear, and there’s no way to manage without support. No support equals no shidduch. Not with a top boy.

8. You don’t truly believe. You remember the brachah you got from that holy mekubal? The one who said that your zivug was right there in Tzfas, and you would get engaged within the next month? Remember how your friend answered with a hearty (waaaay too loud and enthusiastic) Amen right away, and you just rolled your eyes, because you were still in seminary? Well, who’s married and who’s still single? If you had believed in the power of the moment, you, too, could have been married with five kids by now.

9. You don’t send pictures. Sorry girls, it’s a boy’s world today. Unfortunate, definitely, but that’s the way it is. So if a boy’s mother asks for a picture, you just have to do it. But don’t worry. The picture is only for the mother; the boy will never even look at it. And the shadchan won’t even redt you a shidduch without it, so don’t try to be smart here. This isn’t about tzniyus. If you want to get married, you have to keep up with the times.

10. You’re too picky. You’re not getting any younger; it’s time to start broadening your horizons. No one gets everything on their list. As long as he’s a mensch, that’s all that matters. So what if he has no social skills and made you walk in 20-degree weather down the boardwalk in the snow wearing heels? Oh, you’re looking for a learning boy? But what if your bashert is working? There’s no reason for you to say no to the ex-marine who’s now a farmer in Nevada! But don’t worry; he goes to shul when there’s a minyan in town and has a geshmak Gemara seder with his TorahMate.

You see, that was pretty simple, wasn’t it? I know it isn’t always easy to be single… but aren’t you happy now that you know the reason for it — and how it’s all your fault?

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 907)