10 Reasons You Aren’t Married Yet
| August 20, 2024It’s totally your fault, and if you don’t do something about it right now….
Sorry, your 11th-grade hashkafah teacher was wrong. Your being single has absolutely nothing to do with a Divinely orchestrated plan. It’s totally your fault, and if you don’t do something about it right now…. There are so many things you could be doing wrong; check off all that apply.
1. You wore glasses to work. This is a capital felony, says the lady at shul who thinks her advice is indispensable, an absolute guarantee that you won’t be redt shidduchim. Yes, your friend wore glasses to her own wedding, but it doesn’t make a difference. A single girl must never be seen in glasses. Even the yeshivish boys care, apparently. Lenses bother your eyes? You have an eye infection? Well, beauty hurts, my friend. Especially if you are single.
2. You wore your hair in a pony. Now, this is arguably even worse than wearing glasses to work. Wearing your hair in a pony shows that you don’t care about how you look. And the logical conclusion is that you probably don’t care about anything else. And if you also left the house without makeup?! To go to the grocery store?! On Erev Shabbos?! Forget about being redt a shidduch ever again.
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