T he Seder is one of the highlights of the year. You worked so hard to reach it; you feel triumphant that you made it. Now you’re looking forward to a night of inspiration and spirituality! Alas. It doesn’t always go so smoothly.

We’ve explored the lines you don’t want to hear just before Shabbos; the Seder is another time things can go awry.

I hereby present…

15 THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR AT THE SEDER

“No grape juice for me just wine thanks!”

“You don’t mind if I use your pillow do you?”

“I just realized that when I got all the paper goods I forgot to buy napkins.”

“Shmuli just spilled the wine. No not a cup the bottle.”

“Yeah we’d love to hear it all again in Yiddish.”

“That’s nowhere near enough matzah.”

“Is that a Cheerio?”

“You know that flame you left on? It seems it got blown out…”

“Does anyone know how to do the Heimlich maneuver?”

“We might miss chatzos so we better eat a k’zayis now and then we’ll have another when we finish the meal.”

“What do you mean you can’t remember where you put the afikomen?”

“All I want for my afikomen is the Lego City airport fire station police station town and train set.”

“Is Alka-Seltzer kosher for Pesach?”

“Let’s sing Echad Miyodea again using my family’s tune. Then let’s sing it in English.”

“Look! It really is time to daven Krias Shema shel Shacharis!”

Chag sameach! (Originally featured in Family First Issue 537)