W ho isn’t interested in learning about an underutilized yet powerfully effective segulah for having children? Even if you don’t need it surely you know someone who does.

Here’s how this amazing segulah came to my attention. A yungerman let’s call him Shmully recently shared with me an incident that took place almost 15 years ago when he and two close friends let’s call them Yaakov and Dov were all learning in Eretz Yisroel.

Yaakov had a baby boy and asked HaRav Nosson Tzvi Finkel ztz”l the late Mirrer rosh yeshivah to serve as sandek at the bris. The Rosh Yeshivah was not well at the time which made his willingness to attend the simchah that much more special. When he arrived therefore Yaakov was certainly thrilled but also anxious to start the bris as quickly as possible so as not to detain the Rosh Yeshivah unnecessarily.

The baby was already at the hall but Dov and his wife who were supposed to be the kvatters had not yet arrived. This couple had been married for over four years and still had no children. And Yaakov was eager to honor his friend with this well-known segulah for children. With the Rosh Yeshivah waiting however Yaakov felt compelled to find another couple to replace them.

Yaakov took a quick glance around the room and saw that so far there were only two women in attendance: Yaakov’s widowed bubby and Shmully’s wife. Yaakov rushed over to Shmully and asked if he and his wife could be kvatters. Shmully had been married for only two months and felt he did not need this special segulah yet but since there were no other candidates he accepted. The bris was performed and then everyone washed for the seudah.

Once everyone was seated a very harried stressed-out Dov walked into the hall and sat down beside his good friend Shmully. Dov immediately sized up the situation and realized that he and his wife had missed out on being kvatters.

In describing what Dov looked like at that moment Shmully told me “Smoke was coming out of his ears.” Dov was fuming — not at Yaakov for going ahead without him and not at Shmully for accepting the kibbud of kvatter but at his wife for causing them to miss out on this golden opportunity.

“She kept fussing while she was getting dressed ” Dov seethed under his breath to Shmully. “And then she had to play with her makeup! If not for all that we would have been here on time!”

Shmully felt as if he were about to witness a train crash. His heart ached for Dov and his wife and even though he knew he had done nothing wrong he still felt personally responsible to prevent the imminent shalom bayis disaster that was sure to take place.

“Look ” Shmully pleaded with Dov “the fact that you were not kvatter was not under your control. It was decreed min haShamayim. You must see that it was simply not meant to be.”

Dov still looked like a pressure cooker ready to explode. Desperate to diffuse the impending catastrophe Shmully continued. “Being kvatter is a segulah for having children but not losing your temper toward your wife when you are feeling so upset will be an even greater zechus for you and your wife to have children b’ezras Hashem.”

“I wasn’t really giving him a brachah ” Shmully explained to me trying to downplay his role in the incident. “I was simply trying to protect this couple from what could have been a very ugly challenge to their shalom bayis.”

Baruch Hashem Shmully’s intervention was successful. Dov managed to control his temper and did not lash out at his wife.

Less than a year after the bris Dov and his wife were blessed with a son. And as if to emphasize – the greater efficacy of the “anger management segulah” as compared to the segulah of being kvatter Shmully and his wife were not blessed with children until two years after the bris.

So often we go to the ends of the earth in pursuit of segulos that are of dubious origin and efficacy. Because they are so difficult to carry out however we put inordinate faith in their ability to bring about the desired outcome. Other more reliable zechuyos are unfortunately overlooked and disregarded simply because they are so readily attainable.

Under circumstances such as those described above it may not be so easy to control one’s temper. As Shlomo Hamelech declared “Tov erech apayim migibor umoshel berucho milokeid ir” (Mishlei 16:32). According to the Malbim af refers to open displays of hostility whereas ruach means inner feelings of resentment. The lesson of this pasuk therefore is that controlling the latter represents a heroic accomplishment even greater than capturing an entire city. And the potential benefit of exercising restraint in potentially volatile situations makes the effort much more than worthwhile.

Pass it on. If you do not need this segulah surely you know someone who does.

Of course telling oneself that not lashing out is an effective segulah does not necessarily erase the angry feelings. What then can one do to eliminate the resentment and become what Shlomo Hamelech referred to as an erech apayim?

The most effective strategy I have found is to follow the example set for us by Dovid Hamelech. Dovid was literally running for his life with a small band of men fleeing Yerushalayim as his oldest son Avshalom was approaching with 400 armed men and was bent on murdering his father and usurping the throne. Shimi ben Geira took advantage of Dovid’s pitiful situation and pelted him with stones while hurling shameful insults. At that point Shimi had the status of a moreid b’malchus and deserved summary execution. One of Dovid’s generals Avishai asked for permission to carry out that sentence. And then Dovid exercised almost superhuman restraint when he uttered the following historic words. “What is it to me and you son of Tzerurya that he curses? For Hashem has instructed him to curse me. And who knows His reason for doing so?” (Shmuel II 16:10).

If we strive to emulate the emunah Dovid demonstrated for us therefore by seeing all insults and injuries as truly being decreed by Hashem then we may each be able to achieve that lofty yet not unreachable goal of becoming a true erech apayim.

Yes it is incredibly difficult. But the rewards in this world and the next are truly incalculable.

Dr. Meir Wikler is a psychotherapist and family counselor in full-time private practice with offices in Lakewood N.J. and Brooklyn N.Y. He is also a prolific author and widely sought after public speaker.