| B.A.N.G Gang |

The B.A.N.G Gang — ACT 3: SCENE 5

"Do you guys realize there’s only two weeks left to vacation? We need to think of our next venture!"

Characters:

  • ARON, a slow-moving fellow who likes to take life easy
  • BORUCH, trying to cope with a big sister who always knows better
  • NOSSON, clever and articulate, often talks in italics to make a point
  • GERSHON, creative, and quick to think of new ideas

[A squeaky child’s voice is heard on the line]: Hello? Hello? [starts singing off tune]: The wheels on the bus go round and round...

NOSSON: Hey, Kayla, hang up now! I’m on the phone with my friends.

KAYLA: [miffed] You don’t hafta shout. I thought it was my friend callin’ ‘bout something ‘portant.

NOSSON: Well, it jolly well wasn’t. Now scram.

[background screech] Mummeeeeeeeee....

NOSSON: Honestly! Sisters...

BORUCH [feelingly]: You’re telling me...

GERSHON: Can we change the subject? We have more important things to talk about. Like, d’you guys realize there’s only two weeks left to vacation? We need to think of our next venture! Any ideas?

[There is a pause as they mull things over]

ARON: I’ve got an idea!

BORUCH: What, the usual one about going from pantry to couch?

ARON: Nah, you got it wrong. It’s first couch, and then pantry.

[A collective groan is heard]

GERSHON: I wish we could go hot air ballooning, but it costs a pretty penny.

BORUCH: Yeah, same with helicopter rides.

NOSSON: Wish I could buy an electric scooter – I’d let you all have turns, of course. I’ve got my eye on one, but it cost hundreds of dollars.

ARON: Bottom line, we don’t have money for anything interesting. So let’s stay home and eat potato chips! It’s cheap and cheerful – not to mention relaaaaaaxing.

GERSHON: Nope. I vote we find a way earn some money instead.

 

[There is some hemming and hawing as the boys recall their flopped money-making schemes]

BORUCH: We’ve kinda tried that, and it didn’t really work.

GERSHON: We did get ten dollars for ice cream.

BORUCH: Yeah, but that was by mistake.

GERSHON: Hey – I know what! Did you guys read that article about some fellow in a field with a metal detector, who found buried treasure worth millions?

BORUCH: No. Really? Cool!

NOSSON: Wow! Why don’t we do that? Where d’you get a metal detector from?

GERSHON [excitedly]: Well, believe it or not, there’s one lying around in my attic. My father bought it a while ago, and somehow nobody took any interest in it.

BORUCH: So what are we waiting for?

NOSSON: Yeah, let’s go treasure hunting!

GERSHON: Hang on, I’ll bring it downstairs.

[A few minutes later]

GERSHON: Now, let me see. The box says, “Find Buried Treasure! Easy to use and perfect for a budding detectorist. Advanced technology and powerful searching features make finding treasure fun and easy. Discover the wonders hidden right below your feet!”

NOSSON: Wow – guess I’ll start picking out scooters.

BORUCH: So when are we meeting, guys?

GERSHON: No time like the present, right? Let’s go to the park around the corner.

ARON: Hold it, fellas! What’s the rush? I’ve just made myself comfortable on the couch. The treasure ain’t running away, you know.

[A scolding voice is heard in the background, jabbering in Russian.]

[Enter cleaning help]: Me splish-splash floor. Out!

ARON: Uh – you know what, I’ve changed my mind, guys. I’m coming right now. See you in five! No bikes, right? I can’t take a risk on you-know-who chasing me – she’s got a thing about bikes. . .

Cleaning help: Out! Go! *Ubiraysa!

[Aron arrives at the meeting point first, for a change. NOSSON and BORUCH are next. They wait impatiently for Gershon.]

BORUCH: There he is, holding a box. Must be the metal detector.

GERSHON: Sorry I’m late, guys. Had to sneak out through a window to avoid being seen by Dobra Baila.

[GERSHON opens the box importantly]: Right, let’s get started.

NOSSON: There’s an instruction booklet. I think we should read it. I mean, what if we need permission to dig? It’s a public park.

ARON: Nah, there’s like a million instructions; it’ll take way too long.

BORUCH: Exactly. Let’s get on with it, guys.

GERSHON: Uh oh…

To be continued…

Russian vocabulary:

  • Ubiraysaget out

 

(Originally featured in Mishpacha Jr., Issue 823)

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