Permit me please to quote from a pamphlet that fell into my hands on the subject of the essence of teshuvah. Its author is Rav Yonasan Aber shlita and it deals with various aspects of teshuvah (loosely but not accurately translated as “repentance”) offering suggestions on how to fulfill this mitzvah in our times. Written especially for bnei yeshivah it infuses the prospect with optimism instead of dread advocating a joyful approach that illuminates a new path for the sincere teshuvah seeker. A valuable aid to any Jew who is as he should be preoccupied with teshvuah during these intense days of mercy and forgiveness.

Every year when we make our resolutions we grapple with our personal history of defeat: Why do most of us fail to live up to our resolutions to improve our deeds? Why don’t we succeed at changing? Let’s look at the following passage a revolutionary approach that makes the concept of teshuvah most relevant to us as it discusses this very issue of perceived failure:

“This is a very painful question because there are many people — very many people — who truly and sincerely try to change yet they don’t succeed. They make up their minds to take charge of their lives. They make detailed plans and take on resolutions yet at the end of the year they look at themselves and see they are still exactly the same. All their beautiful plans have come to nothing. So they try again gearing up for a renewed battle with even more determination. With gritted teeth they make up their minds to improve — and again reality hits them in the face as all their resolutions fall down like a house of cards.… After this has repeated itself for many years despair sets in and they’re convinced that they’ll never succeed. Deep in their hearts they doubt that it’s really possible to change at all.

“What then is the true explanation? Why do so many people fail although they try to strengthen themselves?

“In order to understand this we must first of all lay down a fundamental principle the first axiom for anyone interested in changing: a person cannot change his ways with a one-time decision. This is a basic fact. Human nature does not allow for it. Anyone who takes it upon himself all at once to learn without wasting a moment or to daven with full concentration or to stop talking lashon hara is deluding himself. The most determined resolve the strongest aspirations will not help. A person is incapable of changing his habits in one moment and anyone who thinks otherwise is living in severe self-deception usually caused by hidden pride. In the recesses of his heart he is unwilling to admit that he is really on a lower level than he would like to think.

“The Vilna Gaon mentions this principle again and again in his commentary on Mishlei and points out repeatedly that one cannot rise to a higher level in one step. ‘One who goes in the ways of Hashem must go gradually step by step and not attempt to leap to the next level’ (on Mishlei 4:12). ‘One who hurries on his feet is a sinner — one who jumps to a high level that he is not ready for is sinning and stands to lose everything because he will fall from it’ (ibid. 19:2). He elaborates on this in many places. And note his awesome words on this idea that one who tries to rise higher at one go will fail: ‘For he is not assisted from Above and the rule of “One who comes to purify himself is assisted” does not apply to him.’

“Regarding this concept Rav Elazar Menachem Shach ztz”l stated in one of his talks ‘We mustn’t try to leap all at once. One shouldn’t take on many resolutions or the type of resolution that will evaporate into thin air as soon as the initial motivation wears off. For in the end it will be difficult to keep up even one detail and out of forgetfulness and habit all the resolutions will fall and the outcome will be that one hasn’t done proper teshuvah at all.’

“It is the yetzer hara that makes tremendous efforts to blur this knowledge. He knows that the bigger the changes a person undertakes the more certain it is that nothing will come of it. The yetzer hara doesn’t mind if the person davens the whole tefillah with kavanah for the first week or even the first two weeks or for a month after that because the higher he rises he will fall that much harder. In fact the truth is more dismal than that because one who really attempts all at once to concentrate throughout his davening will break down after a day or two. And if someone pressures himself to do more than that he’s liable to suffer a mental breakdown. Such things have occurred. ‘It is impossible to force human nature to jump from one extreme to the other all at once because his nature will rebel or it will cause him anxiety and fear’ (Yaavetz Migdal Oz).

“We asked why so many people fail in their attempts to change. This then is the reason: these people try to force themselves to stop a bad habit all at once and they aren’t aware of the fact that it cannot be done. It is a leap that is doomed to failure from the start. We must know this: the path to real change is long. It isn’t insurmountable but it requires patience. A person has to take a deep breath and go a step at a time taking small steps and not giving up and eventually he will be able to part with his bad habits: ‘Return Israel toward Hashem your Gd’ — ‘Little by little’ (Ibn Ezra on Hoshea 14:2).

“Let us return to the words of the Vilna Gaon: ‘One who goes in the ways of Hashem must go gradually step by step.’ The key word is ‘gradually.’ One rung at a time. A person’s task is whatever spiritual state he is in to take one step further only the little bit that he can maintain now and he should keep up this one addition constantly until he becomes accustomed to it and then he can move on. This is exactly what HaKadosh Baruch Hu expects of him — that he should do what he is capable of now. All that he can do but only this no less and no more. He will not be charged with failure to do more: ‘HaKadosh Baruch Hu did not give laws in order to weary them or in order to trouble them out of this world… and HaKadosh Baruch Hu does not bring a person to judgment except on what he was commanded to do and had the power to do to the extent within his reach’ (Pesikta Naso).”

The author goes on to guide the reader on how to recognize where he currently stands in his spiritual level and to teach him how to know his strengths so that he will be able to deal correctly with his persuasive yetzer. He raises the banner of simchah of using the great gift of joy which Hashem gave us as the most effective way of doing complete teshuvah instead of the dread of one who is imprisoned in fear of the punishments of Gehinnom. This is just a taste of the many insights he offers bringing new relevance to the age-old and often depressing subject of teshuvah for anyone honestly seeking to return to Hashem.