What if I didn’t ask the right questions when I made the phone calls? What if I called all the wrong people? What if the thing I thought was a little problem is actually a huge problem? What happens if they think my son’s own little things are a huge problem?

What if her mother knows me from seminary or sleepaway camp, has some negative impression of me, and gasps in horror if — or when — we meet?

What if he gets nervous and says something ridiculous? What if he says too much? What if he says too little?

My son is going out. I can’t breathe.

Will I like her if he decides this is it? Even more importantly, will she like me?  Will she enjoy our family’s Shabbos table as much as we all do?

Okay, let’s be practical. Do I have a dress to wear? Did I save up enough money for a wedding and more? What will she say about a mother-in-law with this many anxious thoughts?

What if I missed something and I ruined his life by moving ahead with this? What happens if her parents wind up thinking I ruined her life with this date? These questions are too heavy to bear.

My son is going out. Come on, stop this — we can do this.

Why did anyone create a system where I, as a measly parent, have so much say in something that will affect my child’s life forever?

Do we have enough chocolate for me to get through this?

Will he think she’s pretty? Will she think he’s as adorable as I do? Will she find his goofy sense of humor funny?

Did I make a mistake?

Are my husband’s eyes going to be stuck permanently rolled into the back of his head from all of my rambling text messages about this?

My son is going out. He’s going out on a date with a real live girl!

Why can’t I meet her first and take her out for coffee before we decide to move forward with this? Why can’t my opinionated preteen meet her first? She’s blunt enough to make or break this.

Will my best friend forgive me for the anxious tirades she’s been forced to endure? (Note to self — take her out to lunch when this is all over.)

But when this is all over, he could be heartbroken. He could be engaged!

My son is going out. Slow down. Deep breaths…deep breaths…

I’m excited. Terrified. Hopeful. Nauseous. Grateful. Hashem allows me to play make believe and pretend I am pulling the strings here. Hashem will ultimately remind me that I am not pulling anything, and He is guiding us from above.

My oldest is a girl and it took me a year to recover from her getting married and leaving home. But this is my eldest son! I feel that added responsibility for making him the good husband he needs to be.

My son is amazing, but I dread my future daughter-in-law giving me a look that says, Couldn’t you have fixed this? the same way I may or may not have looked at my own mother-in-law at times over the years.

But I am not in control!

Please, Hashem, hold us both as we go through this process. Guide my son to the right girl for him at the right time. Don’t let him get too hurt in the process. Don’t let me get in the way. Give me the right words to guide him. Don’t let me actually believe anything is happening here that isn’t 100 percent Your Divine Will.

My son is going out. Reality check — this is a brachah.

Ready or not, my anxious mother’s heart… my son’s first date, here we go!

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 934)