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arshas Noach

“But Noach found grace in the eyes of Hashem.” (Bereishis 6:8)

A talmid of Rav Yechezkel Abramsky asked him for a brachah. The gaon responded that the best brachah is to “find grace (chein) in the eyes of Hashem.” Then you’ll automatically find favor in the eyes of all who see you.

When Hashem took Bnei Yisrael out of Egypt He granted them chein as it says (Shemos 11:3): “And Hashem gave the people favor in the eyes of the Egyptians.”

How does one merit chein?

 Chazal say that the sole way to merit chein is through humility and derech eretz. (Rav Yitzchok Zilberstein Tuvcha Yabiu)

In my opinion amusement parks are not amusing. However this summer a traveling amusement park was set up near my house. The tickets were free and my kids begged to go.

Listening to the music pouring through my window I gave in. Just because I don’t enjoy these things doesn’t mean they have to lose out. I equipped them with hats drinks and nosh gave the oldest a cell phone and sent them off to wait in the long lines that almost reached my bedroom.

Four hours later my kids came back tomato-faced and teary-eyed.

“We only went on one ride!”

“One ride? In four hours? Why?”

“Because people kept cutting ahead of us on line! All of a sudden whole families were ahead of us! No matter how much we tried to tell them that we were there first it didn’t help. We were stuck in the back for so long!”

I washed their faces and served them drinks. I asked how they enjoyed their (solo) ride.

“It was like flying high in the sky!”

After they calmed down and cooled off they were in better spirits. After all one ride is better than none. Besides we had a lot of fun trips planned and there was plenty to look forward to.

“You know what?” I said pouring more punch “I’m very proud of you. Because you know that it’s better to wait in line for four hours than to shove people or cut in front of them.”

“Even if in the end we didn’t manage to go on any rides at all?”

“Even so. Acting with derech eretz will elevate you much more in life than a few minutes flying through the air.”

Queen Esther merited saving the Jews with the blessing of chein that Hashem bestowed upon her as it says (Esther 2:15): “And Esther found grace in the eyes of all who saw her.”

Yosef Hatzaddik also excelled in this middah of derech eretz by not pulling his garment from his mistress as explained by the Ramban in Bereishis. Therefore he merited chein. (ibid.)

Unfortunately kids get to hear this lesson often. It’s the same story when my son comes home crying from an aufruf in shul because a few kids pounced on the candies and he didn’t get any. It comes up when people shove onto a bus and my kids wonder if they’ll get on at all.

Bottom line I wish there’d be fewer opportunities for me to point out the importance of acting with derech eretz.

One Motzaei Shabbos the Baal Shem Tov sat with his holy disciples and sang with them “Ribbon Olamim” (from Talmud Yerushalmi). When they reached the part mentioning the she’arim (gates) of light blessing etc. the Baal Shem Tov asked: Which gate is most important?

He answered “The greatest gates are those of siyata d’Shmaya. If you’ve merited those you’ve merited everything.”

To merit these gates of siyata d’Shmaya one must find favor in the Eyes of Hashem. To be pious one must be careful not to cause damage to others. One who cleans his house and throws his garbage into the street can’t be counted as one of Queen Esther’s people or as an offspring of Yosef Hatzaddik. (ibid.)

Who doesn’t want chein or siyata d’Shmaya in their lives?

Often we find ourselves needing to choose between behaving with derech eretz or running the risk of becoming a doormat. No one seems to appreciate decency we think so why should I be the one to give in? It’s at those moments that we need the strength to understand the benefits of chein — the gift of siyata d’Shmaya in all facets of our lives. Once we appreciate this we’ll feel like we’re flying high in the sky!