Though I am now in the stage of my life when waking up at night with a baby is a thing of the past and changing countless diapers is a distant memory I can well remember that hectic and challenging phase. Juggling the many roles of a mother and taking care of the innumerable physical and emotional needs of each child was certainly rewarding; yet at the same time it was very overwhelming.

Every now and then a question would creep into my mind: Why did Hashem create children this way with so many needs for so many years? Surely it would be no more difficult for Him to create children who could sleep through the night and who didn’t need to be changed so often. Surely Hashem could have chosen to create children who weren’t so needy.  

And then as the teenage years set in I realized that parenting young children was a piece of cake compared to parenting teenagers. I must confess that I would often fantasize in the deep recesses of my mind — If only kids could go straight from childhood to adulthood and simply skip the teenage years. What did Hashem possibly want to accomplish by creating the teenage years?

As I continued to learn and grow and mature in my thinking (yes even adults need to continue to learn and grow and mature) I began to internalize the concept that HaKadosh Baruch Hu created all aspects of our life for our good and for our growth. Certainly Hashem could have created children without so many physical and emotional needs but then we would have been deprived of a vital opportunity to accomplish our ultimate purpose in life.

Our purpose in life is to develop ourselves into people who are similar to Hashem. By constantly giving to our children for so many years we become givers thereby becoming similar to Hashem and coming closer to achieving our ultimate mission. What a revelation! Instead of viewing the more difficult aspects of parenting as that of sacrifice and responsibility I could now look at them as opportunities for growth.

As time marched forward I realized that there is another important dimension to our role as parents.  

When I held a baby in my arms and experienced a tremendous surge of love a thought would penetrate my mind: Just as my love for this child is boundless and unconditional so too Hashem’s love for me is boundless and unconditional.

When I spent my days and my nights feeding clothing caring for my children in myriad ways I began to appreciate how Hashem cares for me in myriad ways.

When I said “no” to an impassioned request from my child and then painfully endured the whining and protests that followed I began to think: Just as I sometimes need to say “no” to my child for his own good so too Hashem has to say “no” to me at times for my own good.

When the children bickered and fought and I thought that nothing would make me happier than for them to get along I began to recognize how much Hashem wants His children to get along with each other.  

When a teenager became distant or cold and I desired nothing more than for her to be sorry and want to restore the relationship I began to understand that Hashem desires nothing more than for me to be truly remorseful and want a relationship with Him.

When I realized how much I cared about each and every child and that it was not enough for me that “most of the children” were doing well I understood how Hashem cares about each and every one of His children.

And that led to the greatest revelation of all. Perhaps one of the reasons Hashem created the parent-child relationship was for us to gain a deeper understanding of the relationship between Hashem and His children.  

Rav Yosef Leib Bloch in Shiurei Daas (Ki Chol Bashamayim Uva’aretz) explains that everything in the ruchniyus world has a parallel in our world. Everything in our world is a “hishtalshelus” a physical expression of a concept in the ruchniyus world. How can a human being understand ruchniyus concepts while being clothed in a body? We don’t have the tools to understand ruchniyus fully. However if we are aware that the physical world is a mashul to the ruchniyus world and look at the world around us from that frame of reference we can gain deeper insights into the ruchniyus world.

The parent-child relationship is one example of a physical counterpart to the ruchniyus world. Hashem in His kindness allows us to experience a relationship that enables us to gain somewhat of an insight — an infinitesimally small insight but an insight nonetheless — into the relationship between Hashem and His beloved nation.

It is not only in our role as parents however that we can better understand Hashem’s relationship with us. Looking back at our experiences as a child can also afford us the opportunity to gain a deeper insight into our relationship with Hashem.

As children when we brushed our teeth or did our homework we were convinced that we were doing our parents a favor. As adults don’t we also sometimes think that we are doing Hashem a favor by keeping His mitzvos?

When we were young children our parents took us to the doctor and held us down while we kicked and screamed feeling angry and betrayed by our parents for causing us pain. As adults don’t we also sometimes kick and scream and feel betrayed by Hashem when He puts us in situations that are painful?

How smart we thought we were as teenagers! After all we understood things so much better than our parents! We disagreed we argued we debated convinced of our superiority and our intellectual prowess. As adults don’t we also sometimes make the same mistake questioning and disagreeing with the infinite wisdom of HaKadosh Baruch Hu?

When we were younger we had no inkling of the devotion and love our parents had for us. Our parents provided us with all our needs and many of our wants — and then we would complain if there was one thing not to our liking. We would repay kindness with complaints and sometimes with acts of rebellion. As adults aren’t we also unaware of the tremendous love Hashem has for us? Don’t we also sometimes tend to complain instead of appreciate to rebel against Hashem by doing what we want instead of what He wants?

We look back at our childhood perceptions and recognize that they were … well — childish. Perhaps one of the reasons Hashem has us go through the stage of being a child is for us to question our perceptions as adults and come to the realization that many of these perceptions are still childish. If we explore the parallels between the child-parent relationship and between our relationship with Hashem we may learn to better appreciate obey and love our Father Avinu Sh’baShamayim.

We sit in the succah to recall the ananei hakavod the Clouds of Glory which protected Klal Yisrael in the midbar. Rav Levi Yitzchok of Berditchev asks: Why do we celebrate only the miracle of the ananei hakaovod? Why is there no specific Yom Tov for the miracle of the mahn or the be’er?

He answers that the mahn which provided food and the be’er which provided water were necessities. However the ananei hakavod which provided additional protection and comfort were not necessities. They were an expression of Hashem’s great love for His children. And that is what we celebrate on this Yom Tov of joy.

As we sit in the succah this year perhaps we can better relate to that love by thinking about the love we feel for our children. Perhaps we can come to reciprocate Hashem’s love for us by focusing on how grateful and appreciative we are for our Father’s myriad acts of kindness and love.

The parent-child relationship in many ways mirrors the relationship between Hashem and Klal Yisrael. In fact every relationship and every aspect of this world mirrors something in the ruchniyus world.

What if we began looking at the world around us with different glasses seeing the world not only for what it is but as a lesson to learn something deeper? What if we began looking at every experience and every relationship in our life as an opportunity to come to a greater understanding of HaKadosh Baruch Hu and of our relationship with Him?  

Looking at the world this way could literally transform our lives.

Rebbetzin Suri Gibber has been involved in chinuch banos for decades first as general studies principal in Bais Yaakov High School of Miami and for the past ten years as principal of Bais Yaakov High School of the Twin Cities. She gives adult education classes as well.