Let's Discuss It

Rabbi Moshe Grylak

Editor-In-Chief

Mishpacha

Issue 80

30 Tishrei 5766

11.02.2005

Let’s talk a bit about our magazine’s policy when it comes to airing issues, problems, and stories containing clear messages. This a most appropriate time for this short discussion about our calculations, in light of the renewed publication of the serial “Hearts of Gold.”

In truth, the decision to run the serial stemmed from our feeling that the story had an important message of which the public should be aware. We were convinced that the exposure this story would engender would be for the public good. We are well aware that there does exist an approach among a portion of our community, which holds it improper for a publication to expose problems plaguing our society. This approach certainly stems from pure intentions, from the sense that there are some things better kept quiet, and the feeling the best place to deal with these problems is far from the public eye, and by rabbanim and educators alone. Public exposure, according to this school of thought, contravenes the Jewish outlook, and Divine Honor is better served by keeping these issues hidden. Not only that, according to this opinion, even limited exposure of such issues is bound to harm those who were previously unaware of these problems.

There is no denying that it would be vastly preferred if our problems could be solved in the quiet manner prescribed by this opinion. Still, in actuality, in the living reality of our society, precisely because a cloak of silence surrounds this or that problem, people think that it does not exist. And if so, why shouldn’t they sleep peacefully?

Yet what can be done: these problems do not disappear of their own accord. Sometimes they even gain strength because they are ignored. And still, no one takes note.

For that reason, our policy, which we have set in conjunction with great talmidei chachamim, is not to allow these problems to slumber peacefully undisturbed amid our chareidi routine, as if everything is alright. To the contrary, we warn the public about them, and arouse public debate and thought. The end result is that those who are qualified to deal with these problems, find the proper ways to do so. We, all in all, arouse the consciousness, the conscience, and the need. Baruch Hashem, our society is very strong. It is capable of and qualified to publicly discuss its flaws and problems without always living in fear of what others will say about us, and what will be if they discover that not everything in our lifestyle is perfect and proper. We must focus on ourselves and allow them, who are distant from us, to think whatever they wish. Not only that, they unfortunately know much more about us than we would like.

This policy requires great caution. And it must be exercised under the watchful supervision of prestigious talmidei chachamim, who deal with each case separately and judge whether each individual phrase is worthy of publication. This policy has proved itself in our Hebrew edition, which has provided us with much experience. Mishpacha's publicizing of pressing problems yielded extremely positive results over the years. Today, many of our past detractors of publication of these issues admit that we engendered a change of approach in the atmosphere and the community’s relation to these problems, and that the very exposure of these issues aroused a public debate that brought about the necessary activism. I will mention just two of those issues: firstly, the problem of kids at risk, which we were the first to discuss. After many years, the Jewish Observer, as well, dared to dedicate an entire issue to this subject. And the second issue is the problem of selectivity in accepting girls to high schools, or refusing to accept Sephardi boys to yeshiva. Today everyone concedes that the public debate has much improved the situation, and the fears that exposure would cause its further deterioration were by all means unfounded.

WE DECIDED to take the same approach with the English-language Mishpacha By no means did we intend to suffice with “chulent stories” for entertainment, just to enhance our readership’s oneg Shabbos. And while we do provide such material, baruch Hashem, and very successfully at that, the crux of our aim is not to sweep problems under the rug of routine and convenience, but to serve as a force to better our society. Of course, we are capable of making mistakes, despite the watchful eyes of our rabbanim. And for that reason, we have our loyal readers, who are able to criticize us and point out our mistakes, and whose every comment we treat with all due respect.

Of course, we knew that dealing with problems plaguing different portions of our society would arouse debate. That is only natural. Different people have different opinions. Just last year, in the first months of the English edition’s circulation, a number of important articles were published dealing with the issues of shidduchim, divorce, anorexia and infertility. No one, of course, would deny that these problems do exist, and that our society’s relationship with the victims often lacks that necessary sensitivity required bein adam la’chaveiro. And the reason is lack of awareness. Still, the editorial board was attacked furiously by readers who called us any number of names, Hashem yerachem.

Then Mishpacha CEO Rabbi Eliyahu Paley, together with the writer of this column were invited to the national convention of Agudath Israel of America. It was amazing to encounter, among the precious and esteemed group that gathered there, containing the cream of chareidi Judaism, the diametrically opposed reactions to the very fact that we had raised these tough issues. Esteemed rabbanim and educators, as well as laymen, warmly shook our hands and extended us a “yasher koach” for daring to write about those issues that pained us so, but no one was willing to discuss. And they stressed how important it was to raise these issues. On the other hand, we met some other Jews, no less respected or precious, who expressed real anger due to our publicizing of these issues. There were even those who proclaimed that they would no longer allow the new magazine in their homes. And we, who equally respect both opposing views, continue to take the approach we have accepted upon ourselves. Especially since time has proven that most of the chareidi public values us specifically for the fact that we have not joined the festival of those merrymakers, who ignore the problems plaguing this chareidi society of ours.

UP UNTIL this point, for every problem that we raised (and we do not raise all problems for public debate) we have seen unusual siyata d’Shmaya. And so we decided to publish the story “Hearts of Gold.” This serial depicts a couple, seemingly a couple of bnei Torah ostensibly following the proper path of establishing a Torahdik home, among whom an initially imperceptible pursuit of the delights of “oilam hazeh” eventually leads to deterioration. It is a story that most certainly serves as a warning light. And no reader can honestly say that it does not affect him, or that it can never happen in his environs.

However, sharp opposition was voiced by a most precious and distinguished group of readers. Among the complaints, I admit that there was one complaint I had not initially considered. The complaint went as follows: “The young American ben Torah who decided to dedicate a large part of his life to learning Torah in Eretz Yisrael with great dedication and a modest lifestyle, is depicted in this story in a most negative light. Do you know what difficulties some of us have with our parents in America, who do not properly understand the need to support a child who has decided to dedicate his life to learning Torah in Eretz Yisrael with purity and holiness? This story provides them with arms they can use against us, and perhaps even prompts them to withhold the help they grant us so we can learn Torah with peace of mind, while living a modest lifestyle. Not only that,” the complaint continues, “now the English-language Yated Ne’eman is conducting a debate as to whether parents really have to support children who have decided to give up everything for the sake of learning alone. We have suffered tremendous damage [from the serial and the debate].”

I was reminded at the time of the words of the Alter of Novorhadok, who asked: Chazal on Parshas Bereishis tells us that Hashem k’vyachol consulted with the angels on the sixth day of creation, as to whether or not He should create man. Rav Yoizel of Novorhadok asked, weren’t all the previous days of creation ultimately intended for the sake of the creation of man? And if so, how is it that a moment before creating man, the Creator asks the angels’ opinion regarding the very idea of creating man? Rather, explains the Alter of Novorhadok, this is a great lesson for man, that even “b’dieved” he must consider “le’chatchila.” Meaning, even when a person is in the middle of performing some action, he must always reevaluate whether the entire business is worthwhile.

Because of our sense of responsibility toward the public, we stopped publishing the serial. We decided to reconsider it. Stopping the serial required bravery of us, for it ostensibly amounted to the editorial board publicly admitting that it had stumbled, as well as causing no small amount of discomfort to the author and her family. However, our sense of responsibility toward our readers and toward Torah learning outweighed our consideration of the negative image that the magazine might acquire. What value does our work have, if Heaven forbid it results in an obstacle toward Torah learning or Torah learners?

The story was sent for additional critiquing and review to two prominent talmidei chachamim, one in Israel and one in the United States: Harav  Nochum Eisenstein, Rav of Kehilas Maalot Dafna Nachalas Shimon and Harav Doniel Neustadt, Rav of Young Israel of Cleveland Heights

After much thought and discussion, both concluded that the serial should be continued, because of the important message it holds. Still, we were to explicitly point out that the subjects are a couple at the margins of the Torah world, whose lifestyle is very, very distant from that of the American Torah learners who come to gather in the holy courts of Jerusalem. We see these precious avreichim in the holy city. We see their wondrous dedication to Torah learning. And their parents in the United States can certainly be proud of the fact that they have merited to be genuine supporters of Torah, through the help that they grant their children, so they might attain the holy desire of their hearts.

We again take up the publication of this story because of the important message it contains. A message about the dangers inherent in the pursuit of the material in preference to the spiritual … a pursuit whose outcomes are always tragic destruction. This is a topic that needs to be discussed continually, and about which we must constantly warn, in order to protect ourselves, from the start.