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Yosef Chaim’s Amazing Invention

Shira Yehudit Djalilmand

Ima sighed. The cheerful smiley tone in her voice turned to desperation. “Well, Yosef Chaim. Looks like it’s just you and me again, as usual”

Wednesday, March 07, 2018

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I t was that day again. What day, you ask? Schnitzel day! Maybe some of you have schnitzel all the time. We don’t. We have special schnitzel days, when someone asks Ima to make it as a treat, or we have guests midweek, something like that. Why? For one very simple reason. We all love eating schnitzel, but we all hate making them — Ima too! It’s just such a balagan — you know, flour, then eggs, then breadcrumbs with all the spices, and your hands get so sticky and icky!

How do I know all this? From personal experience; keep reading and you’ll see why…

“Kids! Dod David and Dodah Zahava are coming today so we’re having a schnitzel day! Who wants to help me make schnitzel?!”

Ima’s voice had that false smiley tone — you know, the one mothers use when they want you to do something that they know you really don’t want to but are pretending that it’s really a lot of fun.

“Sorry, Ima, I have sooooo much homework!” Yaakov Yisrael tried to look sorry but really we all knew he would rather do homework till it was coming out of his ears than help make schnitzel. And Ima knew it too. Never mind that it was probably homework that didn’t even need to be done till sometime next year. Still, Yaakov Yisrael’s rav would be very happy with him…

“Or Elya, what about you, tzaddik?” Ima was trying hard to keep that cheerful note in her voice.



“Oy, Ima, I’d love to,” Or Elya replied. (You remember that halachah about being allowed to lie for the sake of shalom, right?) “But I promised my friend Yonaton I’d go over and help him fix his bike.”

“Never mind,” said Ima, sighing. “And what about you, Ben Tzion? I suppose you have an urgent appointment with the chief rabbi or perhaps you need to learn for entrance exams to yeshivah gedolah?” (Ben Tzion is eight).

“Well, actually, I do have a test to study for…” Ben Tzion began. He hasn’t quite grasped sarcasm yet.

Ima sighed. The cheerful smiley tone in her voice turned to desperation. “Well, Yosef Chaim. Looks like it’s just you and me again, as usual.”

So, now you know how I know what a balagan making schnitzel is. Because, somehow, every schnitzel day, everyone else seems to be suddenly very busy and so good ol’ Yosef Chaim gets roped in again!

What I hate too is that Ima makes me wear an apron, cuz she doesn’t want me to get my shirt all dirty. And Ima’s aprons are all flowery and pink and I look really stupid in them. Once one of my friends came round to our house on schnitzel day and saw me in my flowery apron. I never heard the end of it in Talmud Torah; kids are still calling me Geveret Yosef Chaim…

I think you get the idea that schnitzel-making is not my favorite activity. So you can probably understand what happened later that day.

(Excerpted from Mishpacha Jr., Issue 701)

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