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Suffering? I’ll Pass… Or Maybe I Won’t

Esther Feiege Tehila bas Dina Gitel

Suffering is an aggressive enemy, and pain its insidious agent. Yet, when faced with a degenerating disease, one woman discovered that adversity masks hidden blessings.

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

I am alone in my apartment, battling very aggressive, stage-four cancer. Multiple tumors are rapidly growing throughout my body, and I have exhausted all treatment, both conventional and nonconventional, with no significant results. My each breath, my every movement, is filled with pain.

I should feel alone, depressed and frightened — yet, surprisingly — I don’t. Amazingly, I feel more beloved and secure than I ever have before. I have tried numerous times to understand why I feel this way; it doesn’t make sense, even to me. However, since the onslaught of my cancer, I feel that I have a “Partner” Who loves me and Who is ever-present in my life.

A newlywed couple shares expressions of caring for one another with a flower across the breakfast plate or a little gift thrown in the tallis bag … but cancer? Could I really view cancer as an expression of my Partner’s love? Unbelievably, I could.

 

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