Join The Conversation With Mishpacha's Weekly Newsletter

The Scent of Dawn

Chavi Yellin

Throughout those years of intense longing, whenever I pictured the moment, it was all roses, sunshine, and pastel-colored bubbles. The euphoria, the glee-filled, tearful phone calls to share the news with the world. The plump pink-faced bundle squirming at my side. It was nothing like that.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The small, unassuming bottle beckons to me from the store shelf.

I cannot resist. I must have it.

Once outside, I open the Purell hand sanitizer. I splash it over my hands, rub it in, let it dry, and then ... I lift my hands to my nose, close my eyes, and inhale. The strong, sweet alcohol scent transports me to another time and place ... a place where Purell was my entrance ticket to a new world. A world I had anticipated and dreamed about for close to a decade. And when those majestic, gilded doors finally opened for me, it was nothing like I expected.

Three hours after I heard that first, reed-thin cry, I finally mustered up the courage to call my parents. Instead of shouting a highly emotional, “MOMMY! IT’S A BOY!” I softly stammered, “Uh, Mommy? Um, the baby was born tonight.”

Instead of an ecstatic, tearful, “MAZEL TOV!” my mother’s response was a worried, “Mazel tov ... Is everything okay?”


To read the rest of this story, please buy this issue of Mishpacha or sign up for a weekly subscription.

Share this page with a friend. Fill in the information below, and we'll email your friend a link to this page on your behalf.

Your name
Your email address
You friend's name
Your friend's email address
Please type the characters you see in the image into the box provided.

The Yeshivah That Never Gives Up
Rabbi Moshe Grylak Nurturing every spark until it’s a full-fledged flame
He Loved to Do Good
Yonoson Rosenblum What it means to take responsibility for a fellow Jew
Out of Character
Eytan Kobre This gaping gap in my would-be wordsmithery niggles
Got Grit?
Alexandra Fleksher How can we help our kids get grittier?
10 Questions for Yoni Fishkin
Rachel Bachrach 15,000 minyanim, more than 6,500 locations, 70 countries
Lucky Day
Jacob L. Freedman Zaki got an addictive thrill from risking it all
Ghost of a Chance
Rabbi Ron Yitzchok Eisenman He knew and she knew. And that was all that mattered
Giving All I Have
Riki Goldstein The song of unswerving faith
Rabbi Shloime Taussig: I’m never in the studio without…
Riki Goldstein “I make sure to do this before every job”
Last-Minute Decisions
Riki Goldstein How do entertainers know they made the right choice?
Preparation Makes Perfect
Faigy Peritzman The more we prepare, the more we can receive kedushah
Not Wanted
Sarah Chana Radcliffe Lectures usually don’t inspire — they backfire
Constant Creation
Rabbi Menachem Nissel The keys to life are safely in Hashem’s Hands
The Gardener: Part IV
D. Himy with Zivia Reischer “When there’s a pause in conversation, you can join in”